Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but I am only saying this because I care and I know you are suffering. I truly believe this is what you need to hear at this time.
This is a huge sticking point for you. Your threads are riddled with examples of your strong desire to control the situation. I know how hard it is to see yourself and change, and I know you are doing your best.
Spellfire,
Perhaps you should be a therapist/counselor as that is exactly what my therapist (who is also our counselor) is saying.
She is constantly beating me up on working on myself and helping me understand what made me "behave" the way I did - it is really helping my 180.
Unfortunately, she takes the same approach with counseling my wife and I - which is one of the things I'm going to talk to her about when I see her this afternoon (the counselor). I'm not sure if that approach is helping. I'm guessing the "solutions oriented" counseling approach by Michelle will work best if my wife wants to participate in the the solution towards the same goal. I'll post when I understand her "strategy/approach".
Last nite, when we watched Lost together, we sat on separate couches. It was very weird - we did talk and she smiled a few times - but I really wanted to sit next to her. She didn't offer nor did I ask. I may decide to just sit next to her tonite (without asking) but no touching (i.e. hand holding, rubbing leg, hugs or kisses). My rational is in the past that was how we watched our shows together and in counseling Monday she had brought up an issue that if she sees me "slip up"/revert back to the old ways, she would "flip out". She was unusually distant this morning.
Any thoughts?
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
