"I'm just curious. I must be the slowest woman on the planet."
You could be seen as the fastest woman on the planet.
Depends on how you look at it.
"I've asked my H every possible way I can think of for the past 12 months to go to IC for his emotional/verbal abuse, control, emotional disconnect issues."
This is a goal for you. Not him. Seems like he has done some C.. Now.. I do forget.. and could be wrong.
Picking a C.. for a DAM.. is really hard. I needed a mentor.. not a C. I also needed a reason.. to find a mentor.
"I told him tonight, I feel like we're separated but living in the same house. He said he feels married, but not."
Seems to me.. you both have the timing right.
You know.. I have watched this from afar.. SC .. you are a great person.. and I don't want to take away from what you are. But you are hardheaded.
"I can't move forward when I'm the verbal/emotional abuse police in the M."
What makes you think that you will not be the "Police".. in the next R? What if he feels like he is the "Police" of the toilet seat being up?
The conflict.. is not about what you think it is.
"I told him that I didn't know if we could heal while together."
I will cut you some slack here.. things can get better.. separated. But.. are you ready for separate?
You have not left yet.. that I recall. Is leaving going to move you forward.. or backwards?
Are you leaving.. or "kicking" him out?
"I've been going to IC for 2 1/2 years to build my self-esteem so that I don't become a doormat/abuse victim ever again."
Is.. your self esteem.. any better now.. than it was.. 1 year ago?
What do you think of yourself?
Who are you.. and more importantly.. who do you want to be?
"I told him that I've asked him for 12 months to go to IC, & his answer by his actions has been "it sucks to be SC".
SC.. how is your chart going? Do you have that graph for me? Yes.. there was some sarcasm in me asking you to do that. But your actions said something way different. What happened.. to the times.. when you were saying.. things are good? Those.. I remember. I did not forget.
"He asked "what if I go back to (former counselor) & she says I am healthy or only need to go once a month.?"
So.. what happens?
"go to IC or I'm filing for divorce" what would you say ??"
It depends on my "walk". Me.. I would likely go. If I spent.. 3 months.. in JC.. and things went to "crap". Maybe not.
It is a "loaded question".. full of expectations.
"Is this about counseling for him, or is this about control ??"
Always has been.. about control.
What do you want to control?
If your answer is "My Life"... you need to come up with something better. Last I checked.. he was still a part of "My Life".
You always have to think.. outside the box.
Are you?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
