I think taking a step back and taking a breath might be a good idea...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You have all the power you want. Newbies don't realize this, most old timers don't either. You have all the control. You're still marrried or not married because of your decision to either dig your feet in and not get divorced or to sign papers.
You feel like crap because you decide too.
This is one of your themes that I agree with. We do have the power over OUR lives. There is no debating that. It's true.
Too often Jack, you push the 'punish her' agenda. On most of my threads your posts address the 'what if she f-cks' another man again, will you kick her to the curb?'
Jack, I love you as much as you say you love me. Maybe more. I need to tell you that the reason I had a meltdown last month was because I trusted your opinion, which was told to me from the perspective of 'will you put up with this or be a man'. Yet it was in conflict with AmyC's and 25yearsmlc. They wanted me to APPRECIATE that she was stepping up to the plate.
I submit that there is a middle ground. It is 'will you be a man and set boundaries'. Will you be the rock and create a foundation for your family.
Jack, I see so much anger in you from the destruction your W sowed in your boys and your life.
Not everyone should push the 'I will make you accountable whether you like it or not' agenda.
Not all WAS's will respond to that.
Some, like my W, are damaged and need to be 'led' out of the swamp and into the light. WE are 'light workers'. That's why we are here.
There is a balance in our lives. I'm proud, no honored to know you. Look at what I say and consider that I see your life from the outside looking in.
You have all the power you want. Newbies don't realize this, most old timers don't either. You have all the control. You're still marrried or not married because of your decision to either dig your feet in and not get divorced or to sign papers.
You feel like crap because you decide too.
This is one of your themes that I agree with. We do have the power over OUR lives. There is no debating that. It's true.
Too often Jack, you push the 'punish her' agenda. On most of my threads your posts address the 'what if she f-cks' another man again, will you kick her to the curb?' I have to say that I absolutely disagree with this statement you made about Jack, Frank. Jack does NOT push a "punish her" agenda. If anything, I think Jack tends to lean towards the "understanding" of the MLCer too much and even that is only ON OCCASION. Jack is spot friggin on the majority of the time and he tempers his advice according to WHO he is posting to very well.
Jack, I love you as much as you say you love me. Maybe more. I need to tell you that the reason I had a meltdown last month was because I trusted your opinion, which was told to me from the perspective of 'will you put up with this or be a man' OH HELL NO YOU JUST DIDN'T, FRANK! . Yet it was in conflict with AmyC's and 25yearsmlc I don't give a rat's ass that Jack's advice was contradictory to mine. We basically played 'good cop, bad cop' with you Frank - because you wouldn't do it for your damn self. . They wanted me to APPRECIATE that she was stepping up to the plate Correct - however THAT must also be balanced with you not taking her crap! Jack, 25, me and most others all steered you right. It was up to you to pick the parts that you would use. The problem is you look to be lead but HOW DARE YOU accuse Jack of being the reason you had a meltdown! What the hell kind of person, who is supposedly OWNING HIS SH*T, does that to someone that has poured so much of himself INTO YOU!? When your thread got overwhelmed with the various responses, Jack repeatedly asked you to pick someone from whom you would take advice. You repeatedly ignored that request. Then to come back and write that he is the reason you had a meltdown is ridiculous .
I submit that there is a middle ground. You are correct in this and it's about time you realized it. Props to you for that but Jesus Frank - see above. It is 'will you be a man and set boundaries'. Will you be the rock and create a foundation for your family.
Jack, I see so much anger in you from the destruction your W sowed in your boys and your life. Again, I absolutely think this is a crock of sh*t.
Not everyone should push the 'I will make you accountable whether you like it or not' agenda. NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON SHOULD PUSH THAT AGENDA. It is not UP TO the LBS to MAKE anyone ACCOUNTABLE. What we talked to you about, and what was talked briefly about on this thread earlier today was HAVING SELF RESPECT and not taking the BS the WASs give out. If a LBS does not respectfully and calmly defend themselves when the opportunity arises, and instead lets themselves get pissed on by their spouse, where the hell is the respect gonna be when it's all said and done. NOWHERE, that's where. The LBS won't have any for themselves. The WAS, if newly rooted in reality, won't have any for their self and neither will have respect for the other. I submit that conducting yourself respectfully in the face of a spewing WAS, and by your demeanor commanding at least some modicum of respect FROM them (or ending the contact until they can act civil), is precisely the way to handle the situation. You NEVER struck that balance. If you are doing so now that is wonderful but your feet aren't that wet yet, Frank.
Not all WAS's will respond to that. And not all LBSs need to give a crap. It is their JOB to keep it real. Not rudely. Not loudly. And not holier than thou. But absolutely raise the BS flag when the times comes - and it will if you've got a walk away spouse, and moreso if he or she is MLC.
Some, like my W, are damaged and need to be 'led' out of the swamp and into the light. WE are 'light workers'. That's why we are here. You stay in this idealistic, self-inflated frame of mind and you are going to start thinking too much of yourself. Pride goeth before destruction. This is every man (and woman) for himself. You either take the high road or you take the low road. But you are not the builder of either road. Both have been well worn.
There is a balance in our lives. I'm proud, no honored to know you. Look at what I say and consider that I see your life from the outside looking in. As do I and again, I disagree wholeheartedly with what you have said here tonight about Jack. He's not perfect but he's damn sure not repressing anger and he sure as hell isn't the reason you had a meltdown.
Jack has always told me to punish her, tell her how I hate what she is doing.
There is a anomaly in that. You aren't privy to our conversations.
I'm Jacks friend, at least I hope so, andwhen I keep absorbing these posts, I feel like i AM
WTF ever frank. I seriously doubt that your personal conversations with Jack deviated very much from the words he has posted to you on this board and if they have well I reckon we have an integrity issue. And I, for one, DON'T think we have that issue with Jack.
