Hey Grace_O, thank you for your thoughts, I totally agree with you about me not being in her life at this point. Therefore, discussing boundaries or anything of that nature with her would just be a prelude to drama. Over the course of our M, my W has had many flags, and I have often felt that she was very capable and or involving herself in situations that would undermind our M. I have practiced patience on every level and felt and realized that I may at some point have to deal with her growing up and maturing since I embraced her at a younger age than myself. Now though, I think I may have been a little too passive. I checked the mistakes to the best of my knowledge but maybe I was just trying against too many obstacles to hold us together in an effort to reinforce our foundation.I knew things were not always gonna be perfect.

You asked why is it obvious that there is someone else and my answer/s would equate to a short novel. So for the sake of the forum I will just list a few things. And I could still be mistaken, but my heart says I am not. These things occurred 6-9 months leading up to our separation.

**Dropped her cell acct, which we had together and changed her number when she contracted with another carrier. Guards her phone as if its Fort Knox. Everyone in her phone is listed under a nickname.

**No intimacy and W sleeps on the couch most of the time. We may have an encounter once a month if that and more than likely its because I asked or initiated.

**She recently started a new job and comes home one day and states that a guy she met who was interviewing at the same time, left his cell number with a security guard for her and that she wanted to call him. Also with this new job, she would never come home after work. She would call and say she was going to see about her father who is sick. At the time, I did not think anything of it because her father is sick, but now I wish I had followed up. He has been sick for years and she had never been this involved with his health in the past.

**At this new job, she tells me that she made me 90% beneficiary and gave her sister 10%. She wanted to make sure this was all right with me. This happened a few days before she left.

**Says things that are very disrespectful to our M. "I need to get rid of you", "How do you know Im not gonna get married twice", "I don't have to tell every man im married". One day at work, when we worked for the same employer, she was talking to the guy she had an EA with, and I asked her to stop it and that I was tired of him being up under her all the time. I also stated that he didn't even speak to me when I approached. She says I'm tired of both of you; you both need to speak to each other. I could go on, but you get the idea

**We decided to go see a fertility specialist last April because we were having problems getting pregnant, after deciding to have kids. By the end of July, she tells me she started taking the pill. I asked why she would do that and I got all these lame excuses.

**I know should have not done this, but a few weeks ago on her birthday I woke up about 5:30 in the morning and just went on auto pilot. I drove past her mothers house and her fathers house with whom she states is where she resides. Her car was absent at both locations. I felt horrible after I did that, but it was the first time and only time I looked for her since our separation.

None of these things make sense to me; hence I said that it was obvious there was someone else.