she felt she didn't have to follow my "rules"/controlling attitude
Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but I am only saying this because I care and I know you are suffering. I truly believe this is what you need to hear at this time.
This is a huge sticking point for you. Your threads are riddled with examples of your strong desire to control the situation. I know how hard it is to see yourself and change, and I know you are doing your best.
Take some quiet time alone for introspection. Think about what it would take for you to truly let go. Research resources that teach you how to let go of the false belief that if you can control the outcome of various things in your life, you will avoid pain. Make a list of all the ways you try to control things in your life, try to become aware of them on a day to day basis. Ask your W to help you make the list if you feel comfortable doing so.
Try letting go for a while to see how it feels. Stop trying to convince her to go to MC and ask her if that's what she wants to do. If she doesn't, go alone and work on yourself.
I know this is all very easy for me to say, but a very hard thing to actually live.
Above all, go easy on yourself. You did not consciously decide to be this way, and you are working very hard here on being a better man. Be proud of that.
SF
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
