WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[confusedinpa]

Maximize your efforts doing what exactly?

Maximize GAL? Yes.
Maximize PMA? Yes.
Maximize letting go of need to know her temperature? Yes.
Maximize working on not being controlling? Yes.
Maximize being the best father you can be? Yes.

Maximize trying to convince her to stay? No.

I was going to say maximize my efforts in my 180 - showing her that I have changed by:

1. Showing her that I listen to her emotions, not just her words.

2. She is important to me and I'm not afraid to be open and honest to discuss things with her.

3. I value her opinion and thoughts.

4. I am not afraid of being vulnerable with her. Be accepting of comments as they are not attacks but opportunities for me to improve.

5. I am here to enjoy life and live in the moment, not just being there physically.

6. She had always thought I was too controlling/strict with the kids and her so I've loosened up and been much more tolerant of "childish" and playful behavior. I've also been less rigid of when things happen (i.e. Kids always got a bath at 7, I used to get upset if it happened later)

7. Remain strong - don't break down in a panic/anxiety in front of her when we're talking about the the divorce.

8. Focus on getting things done, not just talk about them, or expect that she will just take care of them.

These are things that I'm doing to convince her that I'm changed and it's real. In a sense so she has a reason to want to stay - perhaps that's bad. I'll have to think that through.

I do need to add:

Maximize letting go of need to know her temperature? Yes.

Not sure of this one though:
Maximize trying to convince her to stay? No.

I think it may be maximizing trying to convince her to stay with actions, not words.