\My wife is going to leave me in 5 days--help!

[AFWAW]

Well, the first MC session was not what I expected. The MC counselor knew I wanted to save my marraige and asked my wife if she did too. She said no, if he would grant me a divorce right now I would do it. The MC said why. Turns out the wife has enjoyed life without me since I've been gone. She has come and gone as she pleases, ate, slept, watched tv, gone out w/ friends, done basically everything she wants to do and no one has said anything bad to her about it. She likes the way that is and doesn't want to be in a rut w/ me anymore.

She told the counselor that she is unwilling to forgive past things I've said and done to make her feel like she isn't who she is know. She said that she has threatened to leave and the past and I took it seriously for a bit and then we returned to old ways. She felt like she has been the man in the relationship where she makes a lot of decisions about things that I won't. She pointed out numerous times where she had been affectionate and I had not returned the favor or even acted appreciative and she was right.

I feel like a very horrible person right now. I guess I've got a lot to work on.

I love my wife very much and don't want to hurt or make her feel like she can't do what she want to do. If only I had been strong enough to make the decision to go to counseling a few years ago, then perhaps this would not be happening now. I know--you can't live in the past but I guess I'm still in the early stages of feeling this.

My wife has done things in the past that I didn't like but this isn't about her, it's about me whatever happens, I need to be ok and if she doesn't want to be with me, I can't make her.

The counselor suggested I come to the next session by myself and that the following week, my wife and I come together. My wife agreed to this.

On the way out in the parking lot, my wife asked me if I was going to be ok. I said I guess I'm going to have to be. I told her I was sorry for everything, turned around, walked to my car and drove off. Strangely, I'm not pissed just somewhat relaxed and slightly depressed.

It feels like I don't have much hope to save my marraige. I still want it but I know I can't make my wife want it. She has to want it too.

The inks not dry, I know. I'll keep making changes in my life to make it more positive, try to be happy and just keep on living.

I just wish we had the ability to make someone do what you want one time in your life when you really needed it, although I would have probably wasted mine on something stupid, LOL.