Trying to let go........with love!

[yellowrose]

SC

You are doing all that you can for your S. The only thing that I can think of is to put him in a treatment center. Does he go to C? If he does I would talk to the C and see what alternatives you have. He might not be doing other drugs but they are out there.

As far as your H is concerned. It is easier for him to say he is done with your S right now. He doesn't care about anything but himself and will for a while. All the things he said about the pets, etc, is just his reason to not feel guilty for leaving.

Keep working on you and find the peace you deserve!

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Y

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, YR, for your prayers. They are much needed and appreciated. My emotions are all over the place and I am really struggling.

Today was one of those days when I just felt depressed and weepy for much of the day. I e-mailed H this morning to ask him if we could postpone our "together" session with C until next week, because I really want and IC session. He was OK with that. That means that our session will be the day before our 26th anniversary.....

H also said he wanted to keep the 2 hour back to back session next Tuesday with S17. And I reminded him that S is supposed to do a drug/alcohol assessment that day too, and H supported that....so I'm hoping his actions are speaking louder than his words and he is not really giving up on S17.

Then, I had a setback on the ferry coming home. My step-father (who happens to work for H) is usually on the same ferry as me, and I usually save him a spot, and call him to tell him where I am. Today, though, when I called he did not need the spot because he was in our truck with H down on the car deck. This hurt me because usually they would call me to let me know they are going to be on the ferry and they will pick me up so I don't have to deal with the bus.

Well, I won't go into detail, but lets just say that I backslid, and H was an insensitive jerk, and then he withdrew. Then my bus broke down and we had to pile in to one of those mini-buses, and I had a panic attack on the bus from claustrophobia, so I got off at the super market, and ended up calling H to see if he could come get me. He did, and was fairly nice about it too. I PMA'd during the drive and when he dropped me at my car, I thanked him very much for being there for me, especially after what I had put him through on the ferry. (A special thank you to my personal coach, sandycay!!).

Oh, H also called S17 and asked him to come over to the house to talk tonight. But S wanted some time with me tonight, so we are going to go shoot some hoops! S will go over to see H tomorrow evening. I'm pleasantly surprised that H "made the first move" in calling S......

H told me in our talk on the ferry that he really wants to be alone and doesn't plan on ever remarrying. I said "then why are you dating". He said it wasn't really dating. It was drinks with people here and there, but he is still "by himself" and there is absolutely no commitment.

I really need to turn a corner here! I need to get hold of my emotions! I am just so afraid and I miss my H so much and I am afraid I will never see that man again, and it makes me so very very sad!!

[glamgirl]

Sorry SC, but you got to get a grip girl. You can't be asking about dating, backsliding. It's getting you know where, but actually hurting you.

I know this is hard. Took me like over a year to get it. Just leave your h be. No more ?'s. You must come off as confident SC.

You are strong and you can do this! BTW I will be in your area mid March.

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I just got back from shooting hoops with S17. While we were there, I suggested that he should invite his Dad to do that with him sometime. S said "Why don't we ask him to join?". So he called H.

As it turned out H was busy so he couldn't join, but I suggested that they do it tomorrow evening, just the two of them. And then I offere to make them dinner. H then asked to talk to me and he was really upbeat. He had just got off the phone with another bankruptcy lawyer who apparently more of an expert than the one we saw on Saturday. H really liked this guy and said he explained things much better. This guy seems to think we can keep both houses because we are seperated and H said maybe he could do the work on the main house and I could move back there rather than us rent it out.....?? :)I asked about the need to seperate and he said we may need to, but shouldn't have to get a D.

I stayed upbeat and enthusiastic about it, and told H that I did not mean to put him on the spot by S17 calling him, and explained how the idea came about and that it really was S17's suggestion, and that I would be happy to make dinner for them, and then retire to my room so they can have the evening together. H said "just so there's no strings" and I said "of course not".

H said he already had halibut thawing for tomorrow, so he is going to bring it over tomorrow, so now I have to find a really good recipe!! And I need be friendly but aloof and give him and S their space. I am really glad that he is willing to spend this time with S.

And then I am going very very dim until our C session together next Wednesday. No contact, or at least not at my instigation.

And, hey, (((((Glam))))), thanks for your post. I know you are absolutely right. I get so very frustrated with myself! Sometimes I really do think some of it's hormonal (i.e. peri-menopausal), because I can be doing just fine and then something hits me wrong and BOOM! I'm blubbering like an idiot! [You guys on these boards ar so luck you don't have to go through this! ]

And, Glam, please keep me posted on when you plan to be here. Send me an e-mail through the Alt!

Well, for all the crapola today, I am glad to be ending this day on an upnote!

[sandycay]

More like Rachel Ray than Martha Stewart with the PMA. Remember it's your chance to shine and show him you will be able to live up to what you told him on the ferry. This is your first shot at showing him so make it a good one.

Just slow down and really think about what you are going to say before you say it. It's easy to get antsy when they around so take a deep breath and slow down and say to your self "Is what I'm about to say going to get me closer to my goal?"

((((((((((((T))))))))))

[Silent Chrleader]

.....Just slow down and really think about what you are going to say before you say it. It's easy to get antsy when they around so take a deep breath and slow down and say to your self "Is what I'm about to say going to get me closer to my goal?".....

OK, you've obviously gotten to know me way too well!!! Yep, my biggest challenge.....that freakin' faulty door between my brain and my mouth!!!!

I gotta nail that darn thing shut, and not let it open until.......well, until my H is home safe in my arms where he belongs!!!!

{{{{{{sandycay}}}}}}

[glamgirl]

SC so glad this turned out to be a better evening in the end. Yes I TOO have that faulty door, but after a year and a half of rejection and the same old stuff I finally got it, that was when I turned and decided to leave h alone, no more ?'s, it was months later that he saw he could talk with me.

I am just trying to help, since I see so much of myself in what you are doing. Yep I did it all! Trying to save you some time and pain, but you will get this eventually. We all do!

Hugs!

[a new 2moro]

he is dating and you two are doing MC? Not gonna work

[MomInPain]

{{{{SC}}}}

I found you!!!
Yes we both had a rough weekend didn't we?
I think that faulty door thing is something I've got too.
I have to learn how to put a lock on it and only open it when
needed.
We'll get there, one way or another.
Thanks for the email, made me feel loved.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I really need to turn a corner here! I need to get hold of my emotions! I am just so afraid and I miss my H so much and I am afraid I will never see that man again, and it makes me so very very sad!!

yes yes, please grab those emotions...don't act on emotions, they will get you in a bad place. that is something you need to just practice on. think of something that can distract you instead.

because if you want a chance for your H to come back, which you DO still have that chance, then you need to let him go. You HAVE to let him go so he can come back to you on his own feet, not you pulling him with a rope. You can do this, and no matter what happens, you will have a good future, you CAN make a good future for yourself, God will be your guide to it.