Ok, I see the reasoning behind telling her what you know in front of the family. Sounds like you need witnesses unfortunately. I'm sure you have done this already, but have you closed joint accounts at this point? You wouldn't want her cleaning it out secretly. I wouldn't normally say to expose her in this way. But, it looks like it is necessary.
When you have this confrontation with the family....make sure that you say that you are fighting for your marriage.
Best case scenario- You tell her what you know, she confesses, apologizes, agrees to "no contact"/full transparency, and you both see a marriage counselor and start the repair work.
I'm guessing it won't go that way. Maybe more along these lines- You tell her what you know, she denies, you end up having to show proof, you tell her that you love her and are trying to repair the marriage and give it a chance but that is impossible with a third party, she gets angry, throws any and all of your faults out there (and some lies), her family put some pressure on her, she breaks down and agrees to "no contact"/full transparency.
Worst case scenario- She denies it all, her family disowns her, she hates you, and a bitter battle ensues.
Are you religious people?
I've closed joint accounts. Our finances are separate.
I've told her brother that I intend to be open to the possibility of fighting for the marriage. I'm going to say the same thing during the family conversation.
I don't see the worst-case scenario, but probably the "more likely" scenario you listed. Her family is a huge part of her life, and she wouldn't last in an "us against the world" relationship. I doubt she'll truly stop the affair though - that is going to require some heavy duty stuff including moving, full transparency, cutting off contacts, etc. that is a serious investment from me. If she doesn't act serious about it - I'm not going to bother.
And yes, I consider that we are both Christian. She used to listen to christian music every time she was in her vehicle. When her father died she quit listening to it and started listening to heavy metal, etc. and quit going to church.
I've continued going during this period, but she says she's going and is instead with OM (as happened Sunday). She should have gotten a call from her lawyer today. Haven't heard anything from her - but I'm not sure what her reaction will be.
- Daniel
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
