SC, You've helped me through my situation in so many ways - often stepping in to help me with a better understanding of B's pain and confusion. Your words and insights helped me love her with compassion - and also helped me avoid any of the anger that could have interfered with my growth over these last few months. For me, I eventually arrived at the point where I realized how my time spent thinking about her pain and her issues - and how she treated me - was also and more accurately - a way of avoiding my own openness to some truths about myself.
I agree with a lot of what Gucci offered in his post - sometimes we just need the separation - but not for him to find himself - rather for us to find ourselves - if your H does while you're separated, that's a bonus - but I don't think it can be the goal - since setting up a goal immediately distracts us from ourselves - since that goal brings in all the trappings of expectations.
I know that I've made a lot of mistakes in my process - and have also hurt B and myself over the last few months - but I also know that our separation was the only thing that could have given me the kind of space and calm that I needed to confront the deepest of my fears...and the realization that I was looking for answers in B and our M that had nothing to do with her or us - they were answers that were holed up inside of me...I don't know if that would be the case for you - since you have spent so much time working on you already - but at least that space might help give you some of the peace you need to learn something more about yourself - what? I don't know - but it's easy for parts of ourselves to remain elusive so long as we concentrate our efforts and energies on thinking of what needs to change in a person we love - and by whom we want to feel loved...
