I had thought GAL was going out and literally starting a new life (i.e. being out and about bars/clubs/friends/etc.). I hadn't realize it was just about doing things for yourself/family that isn't about trying to save the relationship (if I understood your posts).
Guess I'll have to reread that section of the book.
Initially that's how I interpreted it too, but after being here a while my perspective has changed. GAL to me means that you no longer plan all your time around your family, and you have a life of your own. That can be going out with your buddies, or it can be sitting at home reading a book, the point being that it is your life and your time, and it is just for you.
Quote:
During counseling last nite, when she was talking about all the hurtful things, I was trying to show how strong I was (the wall analogy).
The wall analogy is that you are a wall and you do not crumble when she tests you or tries to "punch holes in your wall" with hurtful comments, or comments about not knowing if she can feel something for you again. Do not confuse this with building a wall around yourself and not letting her in, or not being emotionally open to her. You do not have to appear stoic/emotionless/cold. Your job as "the wall" (or "the rock" if you read hold on to your NUTS) is to not get sucked into arguing, not break down and go into pursuit mode, and to not shut down emotionally and shut her out. Being the wall means being strong and therefore able to support her fully, even in the face of her losing it, being hurtful, or testing your resolve. You show how strong you are by being open to her, truly listening and validating, and supporting her regardless.
Quote:
She then also called out my wife that she needs to work on her anger issues and her inability to communicate them. I'm sure this ticked off my wife. I just hope she goes again next Monday.
A bit blunt, especially knowing she is angry. It would be better to try to get W to discuss why she is angry than just saying you got some anger issues you need to work on.
Quote:
Yet, we still have the custody hearing on the 24th of this month. Very odd and confusing.
She is confused. You really need to accept this fact. Do not fight her on the process, but try to stall/draw it out if you can so that you have more time to DB. I have heard that many W go through the motions and then don't have the guts to complete, but I don't really have experience with this to back it up.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
