Really deciding on my next step has a lot to do with her next step. However, I think that even if she does not file (though I'm pretty sure that she will), I will request the separation anyway. I really think it is what we need.
One thing that I read in the book that really hit home with me about her is how Michelle says that you cannot just sit around and wait for your feelings to change, because they never will that way. I really think that is where she is at right now. I think for the past 3 years she has been waiting for some switch inside of her to flip and for her to fall back "in love." Since it never happened she thinks that it wont and can't. Part of the reason is because I think that if I am in her presence when something negative happens, even if that negative thing has nothing to do with me, it reminds her of the fact that she isn't "in love" and makes those grasses all that much greener. I think if I can physically distance myself so that I'm not bumbling around every time something negative happens, she will have to deal with the situation without honing on me as being the cause.
That isn't to say that things are never my fault, but it is as if no matter what I do to change something, she just moves on to the next. It's almost as if there is a comfort in being able to push off the negativeness in her life on me.
Today was a prime example. She had to be somewhere this morning so I got the kids up, got them dressed, gave them breakfast, etc. In the meantime one of our dogs, who never does this, took a long relief on the new carpet. I started cleaning it immediately and she called to make sure everything was okay. I wasn't going to even tell her what happened, but I could tell the kids were going to tell everyone they could what happened (they're five and this was exciting stuff!), so I told her. She got mad and asked me why I didn't take the dogs out earlier. I explained that I was getting the kids ready, etc. and didn't get chance and since I took them out so late last night...
Well, she had to go. I haven't heard from her since. She got off at noon and it is now one. Usually she calls to at least ask if the kids got to school okay. I called her, but no answer.
So...I suppose I'm in trouble. I'm keeping calm though. Things like that happen. I cleaned it up and took care of business and life goes on. Hopefully, she wont blow this up into something more serious.
