NikB #33 Keep on Keepin On...

[NikB]

Thanks all! I really need to catch up on everyone.

OT - quick clarification, I didn't think you were saying/implying that you felt that way about affairs. I meant it more generally but realized it could have 'sounded' wrong.

(((Michelle))) thank you!! Yes... definitely lots of shockers.

(((Trixi))) thanks for visiting. What has strengthened it? I really can't say exactly. I know this is very vague but it feels like for once we're kinda in synch about how much we're both "trying" or something. I need to think about it more.

I/we haven't had a lot of time to think/focus on that larger goal.. but yes, getting through the work load is certainly a goal right now! Actually it's weird because H's work is so slow he's getting home ridiculously early most days, while I'm lucky to get home by 7. The good news is I finally got past my anxiety about that. As you can imagine it was freaking me out a little bit knowing he had sooo many hours of "nothing to do" time. He's been doing a lot of side work to make up for the lack of work at his "day job" though. He was also very understanding about my anxiety and has been very open about what he's doing during that time, so that's good.

There's still one thing that I need to handle. I don't think I realized just HOW out of whack the "household chores" were until our schedules were so off balance. I just thought of it as "well we both worked hard all day and XYZ needs to get done" so I'd do it. So.. something to address. I was letting myself get really resentful about it and then realized it was in many ways my fault for not talking to him about it, so I need to do that. No expecting each other to be mind readers. That's what got us in trouble in the first place.

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My brother reached out to my Mom last night and they talked for almost an hour, so I was really glad about that. I was afraid after he got so hurt talking to my Dad he'd be scared to reach out to any of us for awhile. I guess he pretty much sobbed the whole time. ugh. I just feel so awful for him and so helpless. Although I am glad that I've been through so much and been on here so much. When he's ready, I feel like I will be able to help him so much more than I could have before.

As I suspected, the whole thing was more than a "dumb drunken New Year's Eve mistake." She's since confessed to sleeping with the guy at least one other time since then. And the whole New Year's incident sounded awfully premeditated so I have a feeling it's been going on awhile.

I am very proud of my brother, though. He knew Valentine's Day was going to be rough. Rather than hole up in his/their apartment (I'm still unclear on if she's still living there - he told my Dad he was kicking her out on Sunday but I don't know if he did), he called some of his old friends in San Diego who know what's been going on, and asked if he could come visit. They were thrilled to have him - so he's going on a mini vacation for the 3 day weekend. It's a great way to take good care of himself. I think we all know just how hard that is so close to the bomb, so I'm very happy that he's doing this.

ahh back to work... but thanks all for being here for me, especially when I've been MIA for awhile.