My first step out of Newcomers

[PositivelyMommy]

OMG, CIW. Please give your wife some credit. After reading your last post, I have a feeling that you feel that she is incapable of making any decisions on her own. That if she 'gets together' with another guy then her friends make her or a guy make her do it. Come on. You need to stop making excuses for her. I know you want to believe that she loves you still but you have to let her grow up (in your eyes) and be responsible for herself. She knows what she is doing, OK? These are her choices that she is making.

I am so sorry to be blunt in this e-mail but your last e-mail just absolves her of all responsibility and maturity. No one can make another person drink till their senses are gone. And unless there is a drug involved, I don't think anyone can take advantage of her if she doesn't want to be with anyone else.

Please see this and don't make excuses for her anymore. Kev, I know it hurts a heck of a lot. But what she does may not be related to you, please don't take it so personally. She is probably very unhappy and is trying to look for a way out. She may do it while trying on a new relationship/romance/fling. I am sorry but you have to mentally prepare for it, just in case.

Yes, it may destroy you...for awhile. But what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. It will.

Letting go of her will help you deal with this great pain you are experiencing. Let go of her actions, don't let them influence your mood and your wellbeing.

On another note, human nature is a very funny thing. If she finds out that you are attractive to other women, she might, in turn, find you attractive again. So your instinct of her seeing you go out would mean she can, is actually not accurate, in my POV. I think it would have the opposite effect. She may just take a new look at you through other women's eyes. So if there is a way that she can find out you have been asked out, then by all means. But if she wanted to date anyway, she will find any excuse to do so whether or not she thinks you are dating or not. (As you have seen on this BB, any reason will do, it doesn't have to be the perfect reason or even remotely true. A WAS who wants to date other people will do so easily and justify it till the day they die.) You cannot control that and if you think you can, you are in for heartache and self-punishment.