Dawn and PM,
Yea, there is no doubt I think that the reason I have been so emotional is becuase I had it all bottled up for so long. I have read about how it will come flooding back once the LBS feels safe again. I guess I need to just realize that this is what is probably happening with me and the way I feel. I unfortunately thought that I had allready gotten over most of it. But I guess not.

I am so sensetive of a person and I jump to conclusions sometimes. And I defenitely think the reason my H acts in anger when I am down is becuase it scares him and he doesnt know how to react. I really need to go back to using some of the DBing techniques such as putting up that 'STOP sign' when I feel like I am going to lose it or cry or get mad.

Thank you guys so much for your comfort. I needed to hear it.

We have never done M counseling because he is not at all comfortable with the idea. I went alone to a C when my H was gone. But it was too expensive and I had to stop since I didnt feel like I was getting anything out of it. And I tried out two different ones before I stopped going. Oh well, I wish I was more comfortable with the idea of trying it again. But I have a bad taste from that experience. And I really feel like it would be way more beneficial for us both to go - but I cant make him .

Last night, I did really well with not bringing up any of my emotions and I focused on just being happy and in a good mood. I think it helps make him feel more at ease also when I am happy.

It made me feel kind of good the other night when my H told me that he had bad dreams that I was seeing another guy. I of course am not, and I dont want him to have bad dreams, but it comforted me to know that he may be a bit insecure in the same way I am. He must fear in the back of his mind that I might someday find someone else as he did. Must be a guilty concsious. I still have dreams like that a lot - but it is only due to real fears that I once had to live due to him leaving. It was comforting and made me feel good to know it would scare him if I were to ever leave him. He is such an individual and seperate person that has no fear of being alone. I think I am the opposite.

Well thanks again guys. The house is going great. I will try to stay in touch.

Thanks for helping me feel more human again,
TIPPER