WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[confusedinpa]

Last nite when she got back from her alone time, she was still tense (her jaw muscle was still tight). She couldn't find anyplace open to get tea so I made her a cup as she went upstairs to change. We surfed the internet to printout some restaurant coupons for us to use and then she showed me some of her old HS pictures on facebook. I massaged her shoulders lightly as we did that.

When we went to bed, I did give her a light kiss - I could tell she's still uncomfortable with that and before everyone jumps on that one, I know I need to stop :p

We talked a little about the session - she asked that there was one part that she was uncertain of. When she was venting, she expressed some concern about how I would say that it made me sad/hurt. The therapist had said that's ok, as I need to feel that. She asked me what I thought that meant.

I told her I think that I had shut down all my emotions so I stopped enjoying life as well as experiencing the pain/hurt. Feeling both is healthy is what I thought it meant.

My wife then talked about how she felt that I didn't seem to get when the therapist was trying to explain validating the feelings. She explained how it's not "I see how that hurt you and I'm sorry" (which is what I did), but rather "That must have been so hurtful or that is really hurtful/sad". I think I can see the subtle difference, but could really use some more input on this one. Any suggestions or other recomendations?

She then made a comment about how she feels the counseling session is helpful regardless of which direction we head down - divorce or reconcilation. She reiterated how she sees how I'm a much better person now and will be a great father. She just can't get beyond the past to see me as her husband. Very sad. I didn't say anything, I just rubbed her arm lightly. I do have a session with the therapist on Weds (one on one), I have to remember to ask her about that one. I suspect that she will say that this is her decision and there is nothing that I say or do that will affect it.

This morning, I could tell she was tired. I offered to get up to get ready for work first so she could sleep for an extra 20 minutes. I walked over to her side and gave her a light kiss (I know still bad, but at least I stopped climbing almost on top of her to give her the kiss). We talked for a few seconds, but she did reach out and touch my arm as we talked. This was the first time in weeks that she did that. I'm trying not to read any more into this as it was probably just to try and comfort me (I was trying not to talk or act needy, but she does read/know me so well).

I gave her a hug to crack her back before I left for work and just got a check for a kiss.

I am working on getting a life by reconnecting with a few old friends. Unfortunately, none of them are local so I'm not sure if that's really going to help. We have to boys (in 2 months will be 7 and 3) so I'm spending time with them. I've also been focused on getting chores/honey do list items done. I used my weights and heavy bag for the first time last weekend, I'm planning on 2-3 times/week for that. I'm really not sure what else there is to do to GAL - I don't want to do things that make it appear I'm back on the "singles" scene. Any suggestions?

Its still very hard and painful. I know this will take time. The therapist/counselor said that as well. I hope my wife had heard that too.