The Unfaithful Wife - That's Still Me #3

[25yearsmlc]

Mel,

You won't get a 2 x4 from me on that. I did the same thing for essentially the same reasons. Instead of OW, we could call "Alaska, Alicia"...but my DB coach said IF I COULD HANDLE IT (which I say to you b/c of your OW/anger & obsessing, etc. and thinking that if you ML that he'll be nice the next day, but if he's not, how you'll feel, etc)

BUT, having said all that, db coach told me to try to "Contrast the warmth and love of home, and what that all means, with his other world" so the kids could drape themselves over him while watching a fun movie eating popcorn, and we could be intimate later that evening and yes, I agree it helped in our sitch. I don't know men who go back to their wives b/c of the great sex they never had. For some couples it's a baseline of connection, especially for guys and so, my concern was really about whether you could handle it based on comments about his cruelty to you in the past and the "are you okay?" passive aggressive poop.

But if you feel his recent disclosures are good signs (I doubt they're bad ones) and maybe you can handle this, do what you can and protect yourself. But you know, down deep you'll be able to say it wasn't you being punitve or a false pride that kept you from opening your heart to him again. IF you have to say no, you'll do it b/c it's a healthy boundary. You are coming from a place of love, and not need. I think so anyhow. That should count for something in this world.

SO don't misunderstand me. I felt you were backsliding with the self reproach, and that your feelings about OW are such that if he sleeps with you and goes back to her and it turns out that they are together....you'd screw your head in the ceiling, but if you can handle it, okay.

And his R with her is inappropriate for reasons we've discussed that have the "appearance of impropriety" written all over it. Don't think I'm nuts with this b/c I was active duty and so was h. True, we were officers (don't think I'm sniffing snobbily as 3 of my 4 military brothers were enlisted as was our best man at the wedding).... But When my h was TDY for some monthso, in the Texas heat, I was overwhelmed with my lawn and the kids had chicken pox and I was in a long trial. The lawn needed mowing and I was new to the post. (I was also Acitive duty.) I could not ask or expect anyone who worked with me, or their teenage sons to mow it, for money of course, b/c it appeared inappropriate in my bosses eyes. He felt that it could be argued the subordinate felt pressured to comply and have his kid do my lawn, even though I'd pay. I argued that I was not asking or expecting this at all and my boss interrupted and said "I believe you but I want you to pre-empt the problem by telling your sergeant that he is NOT to assist you personally in any way outside of work..."

Oddly, my boss offered to mow my lawn BUT withdrew the offer b/c his wife was out of town and he could not be seen at my house in the yard....okay, so that is where I'm coming from. NO OFFENSE, but this is what is meant when it is said "conduct unbecoming an officer" does not apply to enlisted, but it ought to. (btw, that fact was misstated in the movie "A Few Good Men" at the end, when They convicted the marines of a NON crime...."conduct unbecoming a marine"???
Next time Ask a JAG you goons, you spent a gazillion bucks on a movie and
wrecked it... but I digress) SO on the military issues, That's my frame of reference so when you tell me a M E-4 is living with a married E-7, who's w is nearby I shake my head. Especially with the housing allowances and dependents, etc. Hopefully no IG will inspect anyone.

Anyhow, gotta get some sleep. Um, h is coming home this wednesday. So, I'm gonna shave my legs and get a bikini wax. NOPE, nothing more. It's weird enough for me as it is...but kinda cool. Literally.

I support your choice either way. You want to restore this M, it's difficult for me to imagine him (or my h for that matter) to return without knowing they can count on a warm bed. I already answered the door with crossed arms too often in our past as it is, b/c of his neglecting family. YES he did neglect us, but did my cold shoulders approach help the sitch? NOPE....did I stop going down the cheeseless tunnel? NOPE....so I promised myself long ago that if we reconciled, despite his craziness and the lying and weirdo trips to the tundra, etc., that there were things I would do differently. And so, there are. I'm gonna practice what I preach...
Oh, took the teacher's exam. weird. Some parts embarrassingly easy...other parts frighteningly new to me...functions? Calculus? Hmmm, did I even take those in high school??? Or was there a cute guy distracting me? Did I party THAT much that brain cell chunks, all related to advanced math, were destroyed????

Me thinks I'll be re-taking THAT section...or screw it and teach at the local college like a normal person would...

xoxo
J-

PS just heard a lapping sound from my pug, only it wasn't that. It was my basement play room, ceiling, leaking water....wtf?? NOT my upper floor ceiling, but my lower floor's...from the overhead light fixture, which is heavy and metal (so a nice electric short can happen any time.) I'm talking a MAJOR leak which I can only assume means a water pipe broke deep inside my houes, between the flooring of my main floor (kitchen--& NO, nothing leaking there, or even on, like dishwasher) and the ceiling of the lower floor. Guess we have a new problem and that is NOT counting the broken stairs on the deck ($5k for that? Are they kidding? Or the need for gutters, or re-painting the deck and front of the house or the new front doors or the dang leak near the window......of the "dream house" we bought at h's urging. See, now I have to get UNmad at him for not being here....and this actually is NOT his fault...and yes I will keep telling myself that b/c I'm tired and 90% of the problems arising from this house arise when h is gone. Thank God he'll be here soon. But it's a cloud of stress over his trip.'Anyhow, you want to know when I miss him the most? Times like these. Sure I miss bed time snuggling too, but weird stuff with plumbing at 3 am is a husband type of thing if ever one existed. (And investigating scary noises downstairs--but I back him up---and of course, killing spiders.

Gotta get some sleep. And check how many pots I need downstairs to collect the water. And it did stop raining and I DID stop the water outside so we have no running water inside...NICE TOUCH...welcome home h! See how it all sucks when you 're gone??