I see your wife as being in the "normalization" phase of her affair with this OW. It's imperative for the typical wayward spouse to want to make their new relationship as acceptable as possible to their family and friends, and it's especially important for their betrayed spouse to "be OK" with the arrangement. They typically genuinely love their spouse (I think she does love you), they genuinely don't want to lose their friendship, emotional and financial support (ditto), and yet they must begin to transition this forbidden, illicit relationship into one that is accepted by those that they love and want to still have future relationships with.
I think this is what your wife is doing.
While it certainly makes for a MUCH less stressful dynamic, it rarely works effectively as a marriage-saving technique. In fact, the opposite is true -- the extent to which they feel you are NOT "okay" with things, and NOT "always there for them" is often the extent to which they get scared and snap out of their fog and realize what they're about to lose.
