WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[confusedinpa]

I was a little more hopeful during the dinner prior to the counseling session. She started saying how proud she was of the changes I've been making and how they will make me such a better person and father. Unfortunately, the problem she is dealing with is that she has been bottling up all the pain for such a long time, she doesn't know how to get past it so she would want me as a husband. We then agreed to talk to the counselor about that.

The counselor then started by asking how it was going. I tried to acknowledge her feelings, but then she pressed me into explaining how I knew/understood them better. Then it got into the past. My wife then jumped on the bandwagon to talk about the past injustices. The killer one was when we had our first dance, I had tried to take some of the stress out of the situation for my by joking about how long the song was. Big mistake. Apparently that had been bugging my wife since that day. It went that way talking about my past stupid moves that just got her more emotional - at least she was crying.

The therapist did say something about her father and how she had anger issues she has to deal with.

I did try to get it back to how will my wife get past the anger/hate, but my therapist started about how we each owned 50% of the problem. My reluctance for connections/intimacy and her ability to express her anger/emotions. Not sure where this is heading. I wanted to work on our relationship, but I guess this is one way to get there.

Very frustrating.

On the way out, I stopped my wife to appologize again for the "long song" comment during our first dance. She cried and I tried to comfort her.

On the way home, she was still upset and when we got home, she said she was going out to get a cup of tea for some alone time.

I'm really annoyed as I was going to get into the whole thing about how my wife was perplexed on how to move past the hurt/hate, but my therapist wanted to understand and get the heart of the issue of what caused it. I guess that's the right way to do it.... or is it........

Only time will tell.

Meanwhile I have my appointment with her Weds and we have a joint one scheduled on Monday (hopefully my wife is still around then).

So how does a DB counselor approach this?