The Unfaithful Wife - That's Still Me #3

[Mellenmack]

Stuck,

That is what I think the hilariously funny Murphy's Law thing is. Here I am (the adulterer) and he doesn't want me. There you are (the LBS) and she doesn't realize what she has. I hate that we are all in the same stitch and NONE of us can get on the same damn boat. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. And I am convinced Murphy was a single mother, too. Wish it was Murphy Brown, though!!

The FB thing. I went ahead and signed up. He has girls on there listed as friends. A few of them I know. One is his buddy's older sister. No big deal. But at least now he will know that I know about them!

Unfortunately, I do happen to believe that if I have to be transparent, HE has to be transparent too. I know he hasn't agreed to R, but still. We both have made choices and we are both going to have to live with the consequences. We'll see.

Went to C today. She very much believes like I do that he is not sleeping with the OW. J, I totally hear you, really, I do. I know their relationship is inappropriate, but what is making a big deal going to get me right now?? Nada. They will get theirs sooner or later and I am not God. I don't get to dish out the punishment, just as he won't get to dish out mine. I know he has been mean and hurtful. I totally get that. I agree with it even. But sooner or later, somebody has to stand up and say enough is enough. Somebody has to put the foolishness aside and try to work towards something better. So it stops here. It stops with me.

C also mentioned something else, but I don't know if it's true or not. Men??? She said she thinks men have to feel SOME sort of attachment to ML. That if they didn't they wouldn't be able to carry thru. I dunno. I understand it, but...I know there are some guys out there who....you know. But they have no morals and no conscience. I know he has those. The other thing she said was that if ML has always been a bone of contention in the M, it might not hurt to show that it is gonna be different and there is gonna be more of it. So she said to do it. Quit cringing, J!!!

It comes down to this. It makes me feel a ton better to think of us as working towards something and everything I am doing (or not doing) as not pointless. I can take care of the things I need to if I look at it like this. I can take care of me. I can not focus on Obtrusive Wench (OW, knew I'd come up with something.). I have more hope than I did yesterday. He may not come back. And that's okay, too. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. He hasn't filed for D. He hasn't worked on the papers. He's not doing anything to help the stitch, except by NOT doing anything. And maybe, for now, it's okay. I can live in a bubble for a little while. Not permanently, but for awhile.

J, I don't think your 2x4 is gonna be big enough. I love you, sweets, and I know you are disappointed. Because he is getting away with something and I agree. But there was a time when I acted wrong, too. But holding a grudge, and worrying about what to do about OW really wasn't working for me. It made ME miserable and he didn't care. So screw her. I can always file for D if they don't go their separate ways. And if I do, you can bet, I will use an L. I will take both kids. There will be child support and there will be retirement. I will not bend if that is what it comes to.

But for right now, I just want to worry about today. Just want to get thru tonight without crying into my pillow. And maybe, just maybe, if I can act as if everything is okay between us, he'll remember the good times, and it will all be okay. There were good times. There were bad times. All I want is for us to learn to be "right" with each other. And if we can do that, in time, then the past belongs in the past.

Love ya'll. I really do feel better today. Truly.

Melissa