Hey native, Great news that your W is being more receptive!!!!
It's good to hear that you re-thought your last bad convo & didn't take it personally. Yep, we women can definately be a b**ch when it's that time of the month plus add a bad day into the mix!! Watch out!! I would actually tell my H when I was getting into that b**chy mood.
So you took a chance & broke the DB rules ..... huh .... Well, it appears to have worked for you. And that's what it's all about!! Finding what works. Like I said before, I think it was good for you to achknowledge, what you think is the issue. It shows you care, are willing to work on it, but are letting her disgest it all & come to you. This isn't something you can fix .... only help to, when she is ready. I think you have given her much to think about. And it's good she misses you. Maybe a few bricks have fallen down from her wall.
Your GAL sounds very positive!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
We went out for ice cream tonight. Conversation was moderate and somewhat subdued, catching up on each others lives.
She could be such a beautiful woman, but she is not really making an effort to make herself attractive; not just physically either. I mean, she is not very animated, and her eyes are not smiling, like I have known them to be in the past.
She seems rather down. Not depressed, not troubled, just blah.
I hope someday she decides to take care of herself better and puts more effort into her appearance.
It reminds me how she can be very immersed in her own problems and not very aware of the world around her, myself and her daughter included.
It was a nice, if short evening, but if I were dating her, and didn't know her very well, I would not ask her for another.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Hhhmmm..... some interesting observations. Would you say your W also has a self esteem issue?? I would guess probably and that she has not found happiness with herself yet. And it seems many WAS have a hard time finding that happiness within themselves. I suppose guilt & forgivness (of themselves) have a lot to do with it. We all make mistakes, the thing is you need to face them, learn from them & do what is best not to repeat them. Myself & the many mistakes in my life, I could kick myself down forever for them. Or I can choose to understand them, not repeat them & try to move on (that goes for many aspects of life).
Good to hear you had a nice time, even if your W was a bit blah
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Thanks Msm. Its such a weird place. I know I am playing a waiting game. I can't pursue too hard or she will run.
And yes, I believe she has some self esteem issues. At times the issues seem overwhelming and I don't think I would hold out if it wasnt for our D.
And then we have a day like today. She calls and wants to pick us up to go to her uncle's for the superbowl game. We're not into football, but there is food and great commercials (usually), and some funny commentary from her uncle.
She was very receptive to my comments, laughed at my jokes, etc, even took care of our d when there was a discipline issue ( that's new for her).
She took me back home after and we had pleasant non-R sharing.
So tonight she is very different. She is smiling, joking, etc.
I don't presume she is ready to come running back to me just because she has an up day.
In fact, it kind of makes me apprehensive. She treated me so badly last year that I do not want to repeat anything like that.
So I kept it very even keel. I thought how nice it would be to get back home and not have to worry about her blowing up.
I really don't know if I can ride the rollercoaster with her again. I hope she changes.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Yes, I think we all get apprehensive & want an equal partner as well.
Even though, things are progressing slow for you, it seems you are on the right path. I'm sure this is where patience becomes most important. Your W is still feeling things out & sorting things out in her own life. So that is good. Don't know if your W is on the path to reconciling, but for the moment she seems to be on the path of being friends and being nice to you. Many would give anything for just that alone.
Don't listen to U2 much, but always liked their War albumn.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
U2 has put out much better music since War imho. Great stuff really. Check them out on youtube or VH1 classics.
Yes, I don't know if reconcilliation is lurking in the back of her mind or not, but her being pleasant is so much better than not.
We went out as a family tonight to eat at a Japanese steak house, which wife and daughter both love immensely. I enjoyed the fact that they had fun. W and I had chit chat conversation, exchanged a few smiles.
We had had a difficult conversation earlier in the day by phone, which I diffused by humor in a text later. After the misunderstanding I texted, " So, I guess this means no booty call tonight ?" She called right away laughing.
After dinner she half heartedly invited me in to watch a movie with them.
I declined, telling her I had to get ready for work on Sat. I wish I would have left the reasoning more mysterious. But I think the right thing to do at this point was to decline. I want her to get to the point where she really wants me to be with her, so I have to hold back.
When she begins to want me back and realizes she might lose me, perhaps we can get to some breakthroughs. Up until lately, she has held all the cards.
Last edited by native; 02/07/0904:09 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Hey native, Yep I totally agree about relationships being a life long journey of learning. Currently, I'm reading a self help book called The Men WE Never Knew. Shall be interesting if it makes any sense. Thanks, for asking about me. I'm doing well. My GAL is kinda pathetic, but that's my own fault & I'm content.
Always, good to see the positive in your sitch. Any plans for VDay with your W & D??
Hang in there.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
You know, its also the anniversary of our engagement....double whammy!
Maybe I should do something for the both of them and if that goes well give her something more personal later.
She invited me to Cici's tonight to eat with her and D.
W was relaxed and pleasant. Had a little (very little) spat later about a car she had bought that her cousin ( who is staying with me) was using. Car doesn't run now and she needs to sell it to pay off her brother for $$$ she borrowed.
When she dropped me off, I kind of tried to give her a quick peck on the cheek. She kind of turned away and we both laughed a little at the fumble.
Earlier in the night as I watched her laugh, I found myself just wanting to touch and kiss her. It was like I was looking at forbidden fruit because I know she is not ready.
Easy does it......
Last edited by native; 02/10/0904:35 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Finding what works. Like I said before, I think it was good for you to achknowledge, what you think is the issue. It shows you care, are willing to work on it, but are letting her disgest it all & come to you. This isn't something you can fix .... only help to, when she is ready. I think you have given her much to think about. And it's good she misses you. Maybe a few bricks have fallen down from her wall.