My situation #8

[steady]

Work was uneventful. After work I had to fill some prescriptions that I had. My SIL had to go to Target after her D and my S got off the bus. So I told her to just meet me there. My W called me as I was leaving work and said she was going to take our D with her to Barnes and Noble. She said she had to pickup a gift certificate for one of her school kids' birthday. I told her great have fun.

While I was in Target waiting for my prescriptions to get filled my W called me again. She called to tell me she passed a restaurant that we used to go to and they changed their name into some corny name. I said looks like they ruined another good restaurant. She gabbed for a little while about small talk and we got off the phone.

I picked up Pizza on the way home and my S and I ate. My W came home with my D and they ate. Before my W got home I did all the stuff that we need to do - empty the dishwasher, make the coffee, clean out my S lunchbox etc... There wasn't anything she had to take care of. She thanked me for taking her car to the carwash - I did that with the kids yesterday because they like riding through it and my W had my car at her SIL's house.

I feel pretty detached right now. It's funny but I see these thoughts pop up as I've been trying to detach more. They're like thoughts that just pop up out of some compulsion - 'what is she doing in that other room?' 'Maybe I should hang out in the kitchen to interact with her'. 'Maybe I shouldn't come down and post this because when she leaves my S's room she'll come in to get ready for bed' etc...

It's crazy. I pretty much wash out the thoughts with - "detach, it doesn't matter what she's doing. Do what I want to do in this moment and don't connect it at all with her." All this self-talk.

As I'm watching the thought patterns it amazes me to see how much of my thinking and behavior is somehow attached to her. Because I feel like I'm detaching more I have taken a few steps back and can now observe the thinking that's going on. Of course I don't act on any of it but it is fascinating to watch.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right but that's the best I can do. It is connected to some futile attempt at controlling the sitch and arises from a compulsion to do it. It's counterproductive to detaching. Oh by the way, did I ever mention I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (it's actually behavioral based rather than chemical - and I've been working on it with the MC in IC.) Makes it a bigger biach to detach.

Oh my, aren't I the lucky one...lol.