Don't know if this helps, but try to keep it simple. He's with OW in some unacceptable way, whatever you want to call it. That's just a fact. You can't be with him right now cuz oh, by the way, he still drinks. Not all the time, but enough that it's an issue.
While he's "with" ow, it amounts to him "dating" a subordinate, who's also married...(both against the UCMJ) and probably doing something uncool with the rent since I am still unclear on that sitch. So he's not in the "winner's circle" right now, as he is. How about GAL and if and when the time comes when he does get in the winner's circle AND exhibits a bit more initiative on his end, towards reconciling, how about crossing that bridge THEN and only then? How about NOT borrowing trouble now? How about not worrying what OW will do in July and then wondering what H will do OR THINK/ OR FEEL about you then, and how you will think/feel or wonder about THEN?????
Why not Be Here Now....for yourself, making the most of today. Cuz tomorrow's yesterdays are all about what you created for yourself right now, today.
Remember the "your life is a novel" analogy? Well, who is writing yours? How is this chapter going? You know, you don't know how many chapters you have in your book and you sure as heck ought to be the author of your own life. Not someone else or a 3rd party.
Detach, lovingly. There's info on this site about it. Check it out. Read what it is NOT and what it is. Like I said, your sitch is hard, but it is not complicated.
I seriously don't think you can handle ml now. I struggled with that issue and understand it. But it is clear to me that you would not feel good about it later, unless he slapped his forehead and said OMG1 I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING AND....you know the rest....he remembers what you are like and what it was like when it was good. Let those memories re-surface as they no doubt will.
Back off, just be upbeat and NO R talk. Seriously. Why bring it up? You don't need to rush things and frankly, you are better off financially the longer you are married, assuming he goes to 20 years in the military AND that he isn't wracking up mountains of debt.
If you do the facebook thing, be careful what you post. Lots of stuff is public and in fact it is ALL public unless you put it into a private avenue. He'll check what you write for your status, as in "married" etc. Be ready to say married or separated and think about the consequences. Better yet, don't do it now. You can email your peeps. Though hugs4 gave you lots of good interesting feedback that I don't disagree with totally, I do think you've beaten yourself up enough already. AND your h is intentionally hurting you, or he was last week. And he's a drunk and doesn't want to talk about it. And that's a big deal to me. How men who drink (or women) get to lash out big time on the WAS/ or the "cheater" b/c they broke their vows....well guess what? Was he "honoring you and cherishing you" when he got drunk all night? Was he "forsaking" the bottle? No. I am not condoning an A and don't want to get hammered by an LBSer who thinks I am. But enough about it. If your h is still hurt by that, it sure would be nice if he simply said that to you. Instead, he's hell bent on hurting you and dragging it out as long as possible, and you know what? Something tells me you are a good person. Something tells me you had your own MLC and something tells me this is NOT the first time he's been cruel to you in your m... ttyl,
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
