OK, Cagz, now I feel kinda guilty for asking you to share! That post was painful to read, so I can't imagine what it took to write.
First off, HUGS. Lots and lots of them.
This stopped me in my tracks:
Quote:
Like...if I go on and become happy and whole..to me that says "then everyhting that xh did to you was for you good..that him leaving you, ripping out your heart etc. it was all good..." SEE I can't differentiate between that being hard and bad and me choosing to live and have a healthy life without him as good.
Ouch. That hurt to read. The honesty of it makes it so. That being said, I don't think you can look at it in terms of "good" and "bad," as those 2 things are just too black and white. Life is not that simple, and it is rarely black and white! There were good parts of your life with your H, as well as bad. There are good and bad parts about your life now. Why do you feel the need to label/compartmentalize the two?
As for your family...how do you know they are getting frustrated with you and are needing you to flip the switch? Have they come out and said anything?
Don't beat yourself up, Cagz. I spent the weekend crying, too, and I have been at this a lot longer than you. It happens. Dust yourself off and move on. It will get a little easier with time. WITH TIME. Now, if we are here in the same exact place in a year, we will talk. But, you are moving ahead. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Oh, and make sure I didn't end up in the bulk mail section, you sly lady, you!
