Reading your post makes me realize how so many of the problems in my own M have been my fault. As I withdrew from her she lost her trust in me and the "energy" in our M was gone.
As our resentment for each other grew it made it impossible for us to be close again. I'm working very hard to get past my resentment but I don't know what to do to help W get past hers. The damage was done to both of us.
I feel about my W as you feel about your H. Only half of the damaged M is actively working to find a way back together. If only the other half would make a tiny bit of effort to meet us it could be done, we could get there so easily.
For now her resentment remains and I have to just ignore it somehow as I work on myself.
Cinco
I am so glad my random thoughts give you insight!~!~
Take heart... yes it is hard to avoid her resentment. But don't try to avoid it or change it or anything. WORK ON YOU~
I FIND THE MORE I WORK ON ME? The more energy I have and the more I am able to get thru moments that are less than delicious.
I am so sure you are ready and you are going to really do this. I know it in my heart.
IT is not selfish please keep this in mind. It is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and actually to her by default.
When I find the passage again I will post it for you. But it goes something like when you genuinely transform yourself and do work on you they cannot help but change. It is impossible.
But it has to be genuine Cinco~ it has to be for you and only you. No more worrying boaut how you caused her to shut down. K? It is over and done with ... she is with you and you need to move forward and rejoice in that. Keep reading NMMNG~ I challenge you to every time you think a negative thought tomorrow? Turn it around.
For example... 1} She is feeling sad cause of me.. I created her sadness I am not doing enough for her \or whatever negative thought you have
~TO*~
I am feeling sad cause of me... b/c I have not forgiven myself for the past b/c I am still living in the past b/c I have not loved myself enough
and ~*NOW*~
what can I do change that?
Realize she just is feeling down. Not try to "fix" it.
2} She doesnt want me to give her a hug...
~*TO*~
I dont want to give her a hug b/c .... she doesnt want me to she has better things to do with her time she will just push me away.
Then? you give her a hug w/o attaching it to any outcome. Just b/c you wanted to. She will feel the difference. See... and it is about you... not her.
I hope I made any sense at all. Please try it //// it will lighten things up tremendously.
And when you are done reading NMMNG? If you would read? Loving what is........ Byron Katie I think it would change your life. {{{ whenever you are ready}}}}. I know your spirit will know when.
Take care love... all my best to you and the MRS.... God bless.. Ali
{{{ Lets both ignore their resentment and as ours melts away let keep each other posted to the Miracle that awaits.. my H in a few short weeks of me only focusing on me? Is becoming more gentle. Not *perfect* but more gentle and love able. }}}}}
I do not have the internet at home anymore,, but I will keep checking on you. I am rooting for you... there is no place to go but UP!~!~
