I like how you are reframing your perspective about things, and trying to be more positive and supportive in the way you behave (regardless of how she behaves), and how both of you are making changes. It's really nice to read. I think no matter what happens this sounds like a time of growth.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
You are seeing things differently. I can hear it in your words. You're on the right track, Doc. I'm praying for your wife to start seeing clearer, too.
Last night got a little "hectic”. I told you my son's fish died and I promised him we would go get another one.(ended up 2) when I got off of work. He is one picky guy... We went to the two pet stores in town and there was nothing he liked so we went to the next town and found 2 he liked... but this is where the problem started. When we got home there was a message on the phone that my D stopped by to drop off some tax stuff for my Wife to look at for her. Then I realized that one of the fish needed the tank heated to at least 72 degrees. I checked it and the tank was only 65..(great) Wife worked late last night and was not in a good mood. I did not want to mention sleeping in "our "room when she was in this state. I went to bed and then wife came in and asked how come I did not tell her D called. I told her I was sorry but I forgot with all the commotion going on. I did not want the sleeping arrangements to go on any longer without the offer so I e-mailed her this morning....
Morning Wife,
I hope you slept better last night. I want to apologies for forgetting to tell you XXXXXXXXX called. I have been trying to get into the habit of writing it on the board when someone calls for you.
But.....
Yesterday after driving Son all around looking for fish when I got home I needed to find out what temp the aquarium was. The fish we bought could not stay in the bag much longer. After I put the pool thermometer in the tank I found out it was only 65 degrees. I siphoned half the water out and was SLOOOWly pouring hot water into the tank to bring up the temp. I could not do this too fast because I could put the big Goldfish into shock. After getting the temp up to 70 I went over my mom's house to see if I could find the heater I gave Daughter. I couldn't so I went back home hoping that neither fish would die before I got a new heater..
Again I am sorry I forgot to tell you about the call.
I also wanted to let you know that my main concern is to get Son in his own room. I know that you have been busy and have not had time to fix the other bed.
You do have another option. I would have no problem if you wanted to come back to our room. I will not assume this means anything. After all we have slept in the same bed before and have done just that SLEPT.
If you can get used to my getting up 2 or 3 times a night to go to the bathroom I am willing to put up with your snoring.
Like I said I just want to get my Son on his own. Our bed is big and I am sure we can both fit.
You might want to start just by getting up and moving to our bed after I go to work so Son gets used to waking up by himself but this is totally up to you.
Please let me know you got this message and that you understand that I will not assume anything if you do this.
Doc
Her reply..
It is no big deal about the call. I left a message with her so at least she knows we got the message.
As far as moving out of son’s room, I’m eager to do that so I can, hopefully, start getting a decent night’s sleep. That means moving into my office because I need total quiet at night. As it is right now I wake up every 1 to 2 hours because of the dog, son or the annoying sound machine.
Time to get going to this stupid job.
Wife So like I said I mostly wanted son on his own. I was so afraid to open up this e-mail thinking what it may do to my PMA that I waited until I got home from work. It was not that bad after all. I am getting son on his own. and maybe when wife gets more sleep she will be in a better place for "dating".
One thing I did learn is that I need to get rid of "My sound machine...LOL
take care everyone.... Thinking about you all
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
today was not a good day. I mean for me it was alright but when wife got home she agian was not in a good mood.
Wife: I don't think I am going to be there much longer Me: why do you say that? Wife: there is not much for me to do. Me: do you mean the work they wanted you to do is almost done? Wife: no I have a little more to do but they just want information pulled from the data and that's all Me: Do you think you use this as a learning experience to learn on the job? Wife: I don't want to write software, I hate this job, I hate the atmasphere (now starting to cry) I hate working with these young people, I hate it.....
I did not say anything after that because I felt no mader what I said it would not be right.. She asked if she could have some of the pizza I made and I said sure I can make another one. She took some and then went into her office to eat it. WHen the second pizza was done I brought her another piece..
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
That's right. She wants you to understand how she isn't liking the job. Just listen to her. Ask questions to understand why she is unhappy about it, but don't try to fix it or give her ideas. That sucks she is not liking the job. I know she was really needing something good to happen in that area.
