There was an affair. What questions help healing?

[RobD70]

I told her how I feel about her being his friend and how I think it is cruel and inappropriate but for now I will have to trust her or loose the marriage.

. . .

I want to live together but she just won't let that happen. What she is saying that she needs is a concrete reason for her to invest in saving the marriage. My promises to be stable and fruitless efforts so far have not provided any real results. She promises that when she feels there is a reason to save the marriage then we will begin to negotiate.

And what I'm trying to tell you is that she WON'T ever "feel there is a reason to save the marriage" as long as she is in contact with OM.

If you don't believe me, just ask the other WAWs/AWAWs/FWAWs.

Puppy

I concur with this from my own personal experience unfortunately.

Until she willingly gives up contacting the OM, I would pull back and put everything on hold until she feels that she may lose you over this. They may mean NC which I know would be hard to pull off right now. I'm afraid if you don't she'll just slip right through your fingers again.

You are still not in a position of power yet and the only way to get that is to act like you don't care if your R fails or not. She's not scared of losing you so until she is she has control. You won't truly have her back until she is begging you and willing to do anything to make the R work. Short of that you are setting yourself up for failure.