Perhaps if you think of negotiation and compromise, if you get D papers then barter with the legal separation. It sounds like a way to allow you both to have some time to think while taking care of everyone's rights legally. That way no one will feel they have to watch over their own shoulder and can relax to focus on what is important. The important goal at this point in DB would be getting her and yourself to the point of working on the M together. Until then, you do your part. Figure out what takes care of everyone concerned amicably, what is a little give and take or maybe more giving - sometimes M requiring one partner to do more of the giving for a time and then at other times one gets to do the taking. It should flow back and forth in order to help meet each others' needs. Having said that, you didn't hear me use any clingy notions - just a straightforward plan to cover everyone's interests esp the kids. (Kids by the way, only need to know who is taking care of them, where will they sleep, and who takes care of what) If you both can do meet these needs they will be secure. They don't understand adult stuff and don't need to know. Until (and hopefully not) there is an actual D they don't need to know much it will only upset them. By the way, did she tell you she was consulting a lawyer? Did you ask her when? and how it went if she did? That might help you know what she really thinks and when to make your presentation if you still want to. I idea is to allow for exchange of information calmly without using it for a battle ground verbally or emotionally. If she hasn't acted on setting an appointment, just let it go. If she has set one up or completed a consultation, she will probably tell you when to expect papers. I think the more information you have ahead of time the better prepared you can be. If you need to be emotional use this post to journal.That way you get it out without aiming at her. This is an overwhelming time, anything you can do to bring your stress level down work on it. If you know what she likes to do to relax, suggest it to her.
