That worries me too and I agree that this is a concern. I would like to compare what you and I feel to someones opinion that can see it another way though if anyone does.
There is a fourth option that I am thinking about too.
He is an illegal alien and I am thinking about reporting him, but I have a hard time with that.
I told her how I feel about her being his friend and how I think it is cruel and inappropriate but for now I will have to trust her or loose the marriage.
. . .
I want to live together but she just won't let that happen. What she is saying that she needs is a concrete reason for her to invest in saving the marriage. My promises to be stable and fruitless efforts so far have not provided any real results. She promises that when she feels there is a reason to save the marriage then we will begin to negotiate.
And what I'm trying to tell you is that she WON'T ever "feel there is a reason to save the marriage" as long as she is in contact with OM.
If you don't believe me, just ask the other WAWs/AWAWs/FWAWs.
Puppy
I concur with this from my own personal experience unfortunately.
Until she willingly gives up contacting the OM, I would pull back and put everything on hold until she feels that she may lose you over this. They may mean NC which I know would be hard to pull off right now. I'm afraid if you don't she'll just slip right through your fingers again.
You are still not in a position of power yet and the only way to get that is to act like you don't care if your R fails or not. She's not scared of losing you so until she is she has control. You won't truly have her back until she is begging you and willing to do anything to make the R work. Short of that you are setting yourself up for failure.
Me:38 W:40 Bomb/EA 03/08 Recon twice 1/09 W files for D Story
I just want to clarify something here...your W doesn't HAVE control...it just feels like it. She cannot control you, it just feels like she can. You need to be your own man and show that she cannot control you. Who wants a partner they can pussy whip?
And as for the illegal alien bit...don't go there. I can guarantee your W will suspect you and hate you for it. It's one thing to demand she shows her respect for you by cutting off contact with OM whilst it is quite another to do that which is you trying to control her.
Make sure your MC is pro M as many are not ( stupid tho' that sounds).
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
That is exactly what I am looking for and I suspect that the therapist she goes to is not. Everytime she sees her therapist she is more and more cold to me.
I wish there were a way to get her to see that what she is requiring is not quite appropriate. I see what she needs from it but there has to be a way to get through to her.
