As much as I don't like him, I'm sure that he never even considered that the pic of the ankle included the OW's house. he probably thought you would really be interested in seeing that ankle. And, he's probably feeling sorry for himself, and he'd be perfectly happy to have you feeling sorry for him too!
His reaction to S being sick was pretty inappropriate, I think, but consistent with his self centered attitude. Not much you can do about that.
Treese, he's not a nice man. He does not respect you, and hasn't for years. I think it might be a good time to think about what you really want, and why. I don't think hanging onto him is good for you. Does that make sense?
Haven't been here in a little while...trying to figure my life out...STILL....I'm trying to focus on me and my kids but my mind drifts all the time...
Last night was winter formal for D16 and H didn't know anything about it...it hurts so bad...i'm trying to do everything myself but it is getting overwhelming...thank God for my mom these past couple of days...she watched S11 for me on Friday just so I could go to dinner with some friends for the evening...the whole time I was out all I could think about was my mom having to watch my son...I know she didn't mind but he is my responsibility and i don't like to have to have other people watch my kids...H says D16 can do it...WTF? She needs to be a kid not a mother or a father right now...every once in a while is okay but H just doesn't want to do it...
Ok folks....the only time my H will take his son is when I ask him to...so really it's not what he wants but wants everyone to think he did the right thing by leaving and that he takes his son and is responsible....I'm tired of looking at his face every Sunday at S11's basketball games with that smile on his face...aaaggghhhhh!!! like he doesnt have a care in the world...of course he doesnt, I am taking care of everything...it sucks, sucks, sucks,....I'm lonely, I'm scared, money is tight, and all H can say is for me to cut out MY stuff...like getting my hair done, the cable, the phone....WTF? he wants me to give up my life that I've been doing for 30 years to pay for his kid...I'm going crazy...who is this man...and why does he get to live "happy", as he puts it...with OW....
Now isn't it true that the longer they stay away and the longer they are with OW, they will never come home and likely to marry OW?
I know I don't have control over him, only me...but I'm wearing down...I need help...I'm running is 6 directions and THERE IS NO TIME FOR ME! I didn't sign up for this....I was married for a reason...I havent said anything to H, just been upbeat and holding my tongue...the truth is I would love to have him in a room for 20 minutes to just scream and yell, and pound him....whew....I feel better now....it wouldn't solve anything but I need to vent this frustration....maybe I'm jealous that he has a wonderful life now and I don't...that I'm sad alot of the time, that I wonder if I'll ever find love again...don't know if I even really want it again if this is how it turns out...
My family says some day he'll regret all this....I don't think so..if you all could see his face and how absolute he is you would know he is really happy and knows it's the right decision..the thing that keeps playing in my mind is when he looks at me and says, "you need to get past it".. and someday I will see him with OW...and his mom saying, "looks like its over cause all he does is talk about OW"...I thought I meant something to her...it totally shatters my heart...I just need to get to the point that I have to accept our life together is done, he's happy, he has what he's always wanted and she seems to be his soulmate, and i was nothing...those hurtful words that come out of his mouth, the ones we have to try to forget...wow,,,I want to know how you all do it cause they stick with me...
Well, had to vent....sorry...
Last edited by Treese; 02/08/0902:55 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm sorry you are frustrated and having to deal w/things. However, let's look a this another way...suppose your h was in the hospital on a ventilator and may be on it for the rest of his life? Wouldn't you still have to do all of the things you are doing? What if he had died in an auto accident? The same situation once again.
Yes, you've got a lot on your plate, but your children are not toddlers. One of the lessons we all have had to learn is to rely on others, be it a mother, father or family friend to assist us. We all have learned that we cannot expect our spouses to do anything for us. We all learned that we had to move on and if the spouse does decide to wake up, the decision would be made then as to whether or not we wanted them back. We all learned how to cut corners or some of the things that we didn't actually need in our lives to help w/bills.
As for your h having a happy and wonderful life, I don't buy it. It's most likely different and he can be someone else w/her, w/no expectations. He knows you know the real him, but she doesn't know everything about him the way you do. I don't see him having such a great life...three households, working extra time to pay some of his bills, three children, knowing he's screwed up in every way and doesn't know how to get off the coaster. He's dug a hole so deep, he just might not get a chance to crawl out of it. Nope, I don't see this as a wonderful life...it's more a monkey on his back.
Your question: Now isn't it true that the longer they stay away and the longer they are with OW, they will never come home and likely to marry OW?
My answer: Not necessarily so. I know of several cases whereby the man stayed w/the ow for a long time and then one day woke up and realized he wanted to be home w/his family.
Treese, none of us know which person who walked away will return. That's why it's important to find a way to live and go on w/our lives w/o them in it.
What they say to us does hurt and it does float to the surface periodically, but you know what? Living life to the fullest and the best revenge you can offer up right now. When you detach completely, you will learn and come to understand that what they say is automatic spew because of their emotions. Trust me, he will live to regret the things he has said and done. They will come talk to us when the crisis over and explain some of whys to us, but most of them will not apologize. This is another expectation that hurts people when their spouses wake. They shouldn't look for apologies....many of them don't do this.
So, Treese, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and come to realise that your h is gone and he will be gone for a very long time. He will not be there for you and the children. Learn not to expect anything from him. If you can do this, you won't get so frustrated and hurt. Learn to lean on others for they really do want to assist you.
Some day, he will regret what he's done and doing.
Hi Treese, your right it sucks and I am sorry you have so much on your plate. Please don't feel guilty about your mum baby sitting whilst you get the odd night out. I am sure she is only to pleased to do so. Speaking for myself I love to feel useful and needed. I am sure D doesn't mind either an odd time but I do know the resentment that builds up when you think of H having a nice easy life. Is he? who knows. We are repeatedly told that they are not and have regrets and are miserably etc. I have to say mine never gave that impression and 8 years on still shows no regrets. I am afraid I have to answer yes to the question re time and ow but maybe I am in the minority but I think not. Treese I am not sure if you have your finances in place with regard to H, if not I do urge you to get some legal advice. Vent away thats what we are here for. I hope you feel better for it. Time will help when it comes to the hurtful words. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you down, come on you know the drill pick yoursef up and live YOUR life. Here's a hug whilst you finish drying those tears.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
thanks...I know I can always count on you 2 to pick me up...mostly it builds and builds and instead of taking it out on him I come here....I have to get it out...
I plan on going to see my Attorney next week to make sure I'm okay with everything...I need to...for piece of mind...
Have any of you hear Leona Lewis's song....Better in Time?
it's sooooo goood.....here's the lyrics....and thanks again for picking me up off the ground....
to answer your question Lola...H gives me his entire paycheck. he does however have to pay for his "love child"...$500 a month...grrrr.....
Better In Time
It's been the longest winter without you I didn't know where to turn to See somehow I can't forget you After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock Who's there no one Thinking that I deserve it Now I realize that I really didn't know If you didn't notice you mean everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'mma be ok
[Chorus:] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV Without something there to remind me Was it all that easy To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh Hurt my feelings but that's the path I'll believe in And I know time will heal it If you didn't notice boy you mean everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'mma be ok
[Chorus:] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me It's time I let you go So I can be free And live my life how it should be No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you Yes I will
[Chorus: x2] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do) It'll all get better in time
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I'm glad you are going to see the attorney. You need to make sure you and the kids are as well protected as you can be. Maybe it will help you let go, too.
Well, last night we had a huge storm here....65 mile an hour winds...it was scary....ripped the siding off my house to the point where it was hanging....I could hear it happening in my bedroom but nothing I could do...
H never called to see if we were okay but hey, didn't expect him too....
H texted me today to let me know that he was getting son tomorrow at 6 and I texted back telling him about the siding.. He said he wanted to come by to see it...I was shopping at this point and said it wasnt necessary, that I would take care of it but he insisted on wanting to see. it..
He called my cell and I answered and he told me that he had fixed one side with his crutches...lol...popped it back into place. But the side that was really damaged he couldnt do anything about cause he cant get up on a ladder with just having surgery...I said, I didn't ask you to...I had already tried to fix it myself...yep, got up on that ladder but it came back down..hey, I tried...
Then he started talking about how "we" could do this and later on if "we" needed to buy a box of siding "we" could and he would paint where it needed painted...and not to worry he would take care of it...What's up with that? He just got done telling me a few weeks ago there basically wasn't a "we"...maybe it's just a figure of speech, or he's learned French...LOL! or he can't totally let go of US (me and the kids)...not worrying too much about it though....just going about my night with my kids....I'll just chalk it up to him not thinking...I'm sure OW would have corrected him in a second if she heard him saying "we"...
Just thought this was a little strange...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I am glad you and the kids are okay. The siding can be fixed but the main thing is that you and your family are okay.
If your husband wants to fix it or take care of the damage, by all means, let him. And then just say thank you when the job is done.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I am pretty much at the same point you are emotionally right now. The frustration and anger ambushes me, and I have really struggled with the backslides the last couple weeks.
I too hate that he is "so happy, and feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulder!!" (his words).
And my H uses the "we" lots too......it means nothing.
MWG is right. If he does work at the house, just smile and say "thanks" and let it go......
We need to really fully detach and move on. It's such a freakin' hard thing to do, but we gotta !!
Hang in there!!
[[[[[hugs]]]]]
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
