The excuses are just excuses. It doesn't matter what the excuse is. What I mean to say is, just because she says she's too sleepy doesn't mean that she's too sleepy to talk. Regardless, there is much deeper stuff at play, and her excuses are just her throwing up roadblocks that you have to mentally bulldoze through (no matter what the excuse is) and stay strong and consistent.
Read "Passionate Marriage." It will help you take your level of thinking to a whole other realm of rational strength. You'll be able to take a step back and assess what's going on in the moment without getting entangled in emotion (the concept is called "differentiation.") It is not an easy read, so be sure to find time when you can really focus on it.
The non-sexual touching is great. There are also ways of touching her in a sexual way where it doesn't lead to sex or your physical satisfaction. She might be blown away if you are able to give her an amazing night without "taking." It would reinforce that you aren't just interested in your own satisfaction during intimacy. Not sure if this idea is too "Nice Guy" or not, though. Maybe S&A can comment on that.
You can't fix her prioritization (procrastination?) problems. Just let her deal with and learn from her own fumbles. Of course, you can do your part to help with household/childcare stuff. Just listen to her, but detach yourself and don't get annoyed. It has nothing to do with you.
