is there still an issue for wife that would prevent you from going on a db weekend alone? Not in terms of actually making the trip - W made sure that she would be free that weekend before I went ahead and committed to going. I suspect what has her concerned is that I did mention that the group was pro-marriage and that we provide support and understanding to each other because our M's are in crisis. I think that W only expects me to have C as an avenue to talk things through - not other men and women.
how will your going or not going effect things?
I think that W has some issues concerning trust, LL. Given the way that she has been treating me for the past few months, it would be perfectly natural for me to "stray off of the reservation." And regardless of what I say, W will still have those issues rummaging around in her mind. But I don't want to go looking elsewhere - my place is where I am right now.
I have a feeling that one of the main causes of grief in the r is w's lack of availabilty. may I ask...was she always so absent (being at the gym, work, visiting mom) or are some of these escapes a result of something else keeping her from activly participating in the r.
Shortly after the birth of our D nearly nine years ago, W and I agreed that I would go into work early so that I could pick up D from daycare in the afternoon. W is not a morning person at all so she prefers to go into work at a later time. That schedule has worked out pretty well for us in the past. It also meant that W would be pretty tired when she did get home and was not interested in going out. We also made the critical mistake of not carving out regular quality time for just us - W was just so enamoured with D that she wanted her to be in on nearly everything we did. And me being the fool that I am, I went along with W's line of thinking.
As to our sitch today - I do think W schedules things for herself so that she does not have to do things with me (plays and concerts with coworkers, dinner outings and weekends away with the Mom Posse). The thing is that I do encourage W to have a life outside of work since I do know how stressful work is for her and she does put in a lot of hours.
aside from going on a db weekend what other things are you doing just for you?
Well I do have the gym that I visit a couple of times a week to keep fit (still hovering at 130 lbs for over a year) and the German group dance practices during the Spring and Fall. Other hobbies? Well, I am an amateur radio operator so I do get on the air occasionally. If I was working again, I would strongly consider taking up golf again - used to be a pretty decent player but kind of gave that up when D was born.
BTW - my birthday is next Friday so it should be interesting what W gives me - I mean, what the kids and dog give me...
