WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[confusedinpa]

I'm really getting to a down moment again. I just realized today is exactly 4 weeks since she told me on Jan 9th of her filing.

I'm very frustrated and getting angry that we haven't made any progress and it feels like its getting worse (that she's not trying anymore). I know this takes time, but patience has never been my strong suit.

She was just so distant this morning. Part of me wishes I could figure out how to just keep the kids and have her leave. But I know that's wrong - the kids need a family with both parents. I just want to shake her and wake her up to realize what she's doing. In our past conversations, it sounds like she's rationalized that this will be a very minor event for the kids. I want her to wake up.

This is hard!

I know I love her but it getting more difficult everyday/hour.

She was down a couple of weeks ago when one of her friends said that she was being selfish. Perhaps that's the play I need to make, although I wouldn't want her to stay just to be in a loveless marriage.

I remind myself that we are at this point because of both of us. I only half believe that as I know I was a big contributor as she couldn't get through to me with all the years of trying. I didn't even listen when a couple of my friends tried to tell me on separate occassions. Now I feel that I can't get through to her.

10 more hours till the counseling session. Still need to figure out what to say, assuming she is going to go.