Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[tpaschal]

Cagz,

So sorry you're having a rough couple of days. I know exactly what you mean about being alone. It is HARD.

Thinking about selling my house is hard, because in one way I'm looking forward to moving to a new place that is just mine and the kids, with no memories of H there, but on the other hand, it just reinforces to me that I AM ALONE in all of it. Yes, I know God is always there with me, but it is daunting not to have the strong, male, human presence by my side that was there for so long.

Like...if I go on and become happy and whole..to me that says "then everyhting that xh did to you was for you good..that him leaving you, ripping out your heart etc. it was all good..." SEE I can't differentiate between that being hard and bad and me choosing to live and have a healthy life without him as good.

I totally get it.....at least I think I do!

It's like I don't want people to be able to say to me in a year or two or five..."Hey, TP, aren't you so much happier now? H leaving you was the best thing that ever could have happened to you!"

It's almost like it lets exH off the hook---like it makes what he did okay. But I don't like that. I don't feel that way. Just because I'm surviving it and learning to make the best of it, and maybe someday will finally be able to be happy again should NEVER make what he did to me and to his children okay.

I struggle with this, too. I know the Bible says that God can take any and every situation and use it for the good of those who believe in Him, but it's almost like I don't WANT that!

And how does that make sense, for heaven's sake!!!???

AND I KNOW my family is sick of it adn wants me to get over it and that puts more pressure on me...cause i too want to ....but i cant just flip the switch and they want me to.

Yep, I'm hearing that more and more now, too. "It's been long enough, now." "We were all hoping he would come to his senses, and that hasn't happened, so it's time to move one." "This is how things are going to be now, and you just have to accept it."

Yes, I know that, thanks. But them telling me those things, and me knowing it in my head doesn't make it any easier for my heart to accept.

Some days are easier, and some days are still just really, really HARD.

I'll be sending prayers your way today.