I defenitely agree. I got to a point after a yr. of seperation and a divorce luming in the atmosphere and very little contact with my H that I felt like the ONLY thing I had was GOD.
I prayed and prayed and prayed and somehow GOD heard me and answered my prayers. I was withered away to nothing anymore and I didnt even feel alive. Didnt care about living. I would pray so much and cry so much. I never really could let go even though I outwardly tried. My insides screamed in torture and heart break. I am so glad it seems to be over now. But really, never give up on hope. Keep living and praying and maybe your prayers will be answered too.
I feel ashamed of myself right now. I need to be more greatfull for where I am and what I have. I cry so much still. It is wierd. I know I am so happy my H came back. But my emotions are still out of wack. My H even told me the other night that he thinks it is funny that every one called him bi-polar when I am the one that is so emotional. I am not PMSing, but for some reason I have been crying a lot lately. For no real good reasons either.
I do feel like my girl-friends have distanced themselves from me this past few months and I dont have the solid group of friends we used to have. So I get sad when I see or hear of them all hanging out with out me or us. It is so weird and hard to swallow. I dont feel like I really fit in with any of his new friends either. So that is getting me down and I cry.
ALso, I was then feeling a bit better the other day and I started crying out of the blue. I cant control my emotions and my H thinks I am going crazy. I dont know how to control it right now. I want to have him comfort me and nurture my emotions but he doesnt want to hear it. I start to get down on him when he doesnt want to hear my problems (with job, friends,ect...) and I tell him I just wish he would comfort me. He then gets mad and acts like I am always putting him down. I dont mean too. I just know that I am in emotional disarray because of him but he cant be the one to mend it.
I dont know. I think I have been sad lately. Maybe its the winter blues, maybe its my lack of old friends, maybe its my job changing with out my choice, maybe its my own jealousy about his band and all of his new friends. I just feel really stressed out.
Our R has been great. I have no reason to get like this , but I am and I need to stop. We have been working every night on remodeling our new house we are gonna buy this spring from my rents and it is coming along great. It is good for us both and our reconciliation. Now I need to focus on the positives so I dont end up messing this R up, I have to keep my emotions in check. I guess I still have some more healing to do.
