My first step out of Newcomers

[Can it work]

Hey folks. It's Monday again unfortunately. I'm not entirely sure how best to describe my mood this morning. I wouldn't say I'm happy and I wouldn't say I was very upset either. Numb would probably be the most accurate way. I'm still struggling to keep a PMA. I can achieve it sometimes but can't seem to get it to remain. I think that every time I actually see my W, it puts me back in to the slump. Unfortunately, there's no way I can go dark on her because I need to be there for my S. If it wasn't for him, I'd break of all contact with her. For the sake of my sanity if nothing else.

Saffie, I know that I need to build up relationships with people again and find my own circle of friends. The problem is that I started relying on my life with my W too much over the last few years and got very much involved in the whole social side that came along with her family. They are really good people and it felt like there was always something fun happening. I freely admit that I lost contact with a few of my friends because I was so caught up in being married. I loved spending time with my W, and her family were always so close. I don't come from a particularly close family so this was new and exciting to me. I really loved my life as it was and thought I'd finally cracked it. That is until my W pulled the rug out from under me. Now, I'm clawing around, trying to rebuild relationships with friends and even trying to get my family closer together to fill this sudden void in my life. I'm not finding it very easy. Especially when my W is still enjoying the whole social scene that we used to enjoy together. Everyone in her family/friends are still very sympathetic towards me but I'm still not included in things. I would never expect to be but it doesn't stop me missing it.

Anyway, I'm in severe danger of pushing myself back in to depression if I keep dwelling on this stuff so I think I'm just going to go and try to bury myself in my work. I have a dentist appointment today which is really going to be the icing on the cake. My W works as a dental nurse in the surgery I go to even though she won't be working today. I'm still a bit concerned about how all her colleagues are going to act towards me.