Matilda, Aud, and Naej, I like the advice on the podcast on communication that I listened to this weekend. The criteria for speaking is that it must be truthful, kind, helpful, and timely. It will be interesting to evaluate my speech based on this criteria, particularly since my W considers me to be often mean.
I also like the perspective from another podcast on thinking, that most of our thoughts aren't true, so therefore we shouldn't pay attentiion to most of what passes thru our minds.
My W frequently writes and says to me that I blame others or circumstances for my unhappiness. I'm wondering if she might be right, so I'm going to pay more attention to what's going on in my head. I think I am too reactive, and judgmental of what my W says and does.
I've been putting effort into finding behaviors that I think will bring goodwill into the M--cooking weekly, dancing, hiring a housecleaner, joining a world travel group. These are important, and I will continue to perform these acts.
The problem is I've been too attached to the outcome of how my W treats me. I'm still too preoccupied with myself. I think that because I perform these acts, that she must now be happy with me. I am disappointed that she doesn't follow my scenario, or thinks that I am now a wonderful H.
I need to listen to what she's trying to tell me, and look inside and see what's true. I do need to work on listening, communication, conflict management, and compassion. These are skills I need to improve upon no matter who I'm married to.
It's easy to distract myself from my work that needs to be done, by focusing on the sleeping elsewhere issue, and my W's imperfections. I'm not saying that I'm responsible for her sleeping elsewhere, or that I deserve that.
CL
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
