First things first. I am Mr. Mistakes no more! The new name is Still Waters.
My W really is on a roller coaster. Today she emails me a long email saying how sorry she is that she hurt me so deeply with her A. She wrote that she feels so much self-hatred, regret, and endless pain for what she did. She called herself a coward and a selfish fool. She also thanked me for snooping and dragging the truth out of her, and for the first time she said that I was the victim of her actions. Before she always acted like she was the victim.
She said that right now she feels weak and powerless, but she hopes that now we can start a new chapter where we can both heal and see things more clearly. She finally realized that her A complicated things beyond belief, and that she has a lot of soul searching to do.
This is the first communication I've had from my W in 4 months where she didn't sound like a pod person. So it looks like exposing the A finally made dent in the wall she built up around her. I'm sure that the roller coaster is still in full effect. But it was nice to finally get a positive reaction out of her. Exposing really is the way to go. My W was in such denial it was like she didn't even fully realize that what she was doing was having an affair.
We're still going into NC for about a month. Right now I think we both need time and space to sort through our feelings. For me, I need to decide if I can move on from the A and if I want to put the work into rebuilding our R with her. And she needs to decide if she can forgive herself and find enough strength to work on our marriage.
Who knows if this really is the start of a new chapter or not. But for now I'm glad that I saw a glimmer of the woman I used to know.
Me: 33 WAW/MLC: 33 M: 4+, T: 10+ Separated: Nov 08 A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended) A#2: Feb 09 - ? 1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes 2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t 3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3