Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

Horn away, Trixi!

The more the merrier!!!

Are you on FB? If so, look me up under "SChrldr".

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I can't find you, what should I look for? I don't already have you on mine right?

and, for some reason I was thinking it was H's family, not yours, so I think going is best.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, ST!

Look for "SChrldr". I'm the one with the funky last name that's missing a few vowels.

[[[[hugs]]]]

[Trixi]

Hey there Silent Chrldr- I just sent you a fb request.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey there Silent Chrldr- I just sent you a fb request.

LOL!!!

And I was just posting to your thread!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I went to the house and mainly just helped clean a bit and bring the rest of the stuff that I want over to my place.

I was successful in staying upbeat, or at least calm and cordial, and no emotional meltdowns. This was a challenge a couple of times. Once when my mother asked me "What are you going to do with your wedding dress, just chuck it?" I know H heard it, but he just walked away. I told mom that I didn't think I had to make that decision right now. I then just went in to H and asked him if he could please take that stuff to our dream house to store (i.e. our wedding pic, my dress....). That is where he plans to store his stuff when he gets just a "room" in the city.

The other challenge I had today was when H informed me that he had an appointment with a lawyer to get info about bankruptcy. That wasn't the problem, because I had suggested that getting this info would be a good idea......no, the hard part came when I went with H on the appointment, and the lawyer said it would be beneficial for us to D if we file for bankruptcy, because then we get to allow expenses for the two households.

But, I kept my cool and didn't say a word. Actually, even after the meeting, H is hoping not to have to file for BR because then he/we would live under the scrutiny of the "trustee" for 5 years, and H is just not one to handle that comfortably.

Anyway, overall I did pretty good I think. And thank you, sandycay, for calling me this morning for my PMA pep-talk!!! It actually really did help!

Also, I did talk to H about S17 and the options I have found for him for drug/alcohol treatment. H doesn't want to pay for that until he sees commitment from S. I understand his feelings on that, but C has told us that it's normal for S to be reluctant at this point, because he's not in a full blown addiction situation YET. But we don't want to wait til he gets there either. So, I'm thinking that the session with H on Wednesday will definitely be about S17.

S is still over at the house with H because H wanted to have a talk with him......I'm interested to see what came out of that......

[Silent Chrleader]

Got up at 4am to find S had snuck out of the house again. Tried to call him but he didn't answer. Called a couple of his friends. Called H. S finally showed up around 5:30am. H came over and told S basically that he was done. H told S that if he ever wanted any support from H, he needed to break all contact from friends, including girlfriend. H said he refuses to pay for any treatment until he sees change and commitment on S's part, and S comes to him.

H wanted to take away S's cell phone, but I want to keep it for safet. H came over to change the knob on my bedroom door to one that locks, so I can lock up car keys, etc. in there. He was only here for about 5 minutes. He complained about the heat in my room (that was always a conflict with us....I get cold, he gets hot). S was still in bed (after being up all night). H said I should have S up working on his school work. While H was here, my chihuahua pooped on the floor (she's been doing this off and on since the move....I think it's to get attention when she feels neglected). Pets are another thing that H doesn't want anymore.

So, while he was here, he just saw a bunch of re-inforcing things to his decision to walk away. So, now he say he's "done" with both our kids, unless they change their tune and come to him, which neither of them will do. He says he is keeping the dream house, even though he promised we would sell it if we D. So, the dreams we had and all we have been working for the past 4-5 years, he is taking with him and is probably going to have with someone else, and our family is a mistake in his past. He is choosing to be "happy" with the "weight off his shoulders".....

H says he is still going to IC this Tuesday and will be with me in my session on Wednesday. I told him I would like to talk about S17 there. He said he didn't see why. So, now I don't know what he plans to tell me in session, but I'm betting it's not good.

S17 and I are both very subdued. S did come and hug me and tell me he's sorry. I believe he is, but I don't believe he will stop. He is addicted, if not to drugs themselves, then to the behavior. He says he only does MJ, and did not do that at all last night....only went to hang out with friends. I have asked him to do me the respect of at least telling me when and where he is going, and keep his phone on so I can reach him.

I know I need to take care of me, but I can't just give up on those I love. I don't have it in me.

Will anybody ever love and want to take care of me???

I'm exhausted.....

[S.T. _I Made It!]

can't catch up, but I added you, thanks!

[Sara]

SC,

I have been through what you are going through, but miraculously, my H and I didn't separate. My advice for you regarding your son is to get him out of high school. This won't change while he is there, the friends will stay the same. Find out how he can take the GED. He can probably pass it now. And then he either gets a job and makes money and supports himself in the lifestyle he chooses, or he goes to community college and you set the rules for that. Either way he is a lot more likely to start growing up, and the friends will change. His maturity is being stunted by the drugs. And yes, you can be addicted to mj. It may not be a physical addiction, but it is addiction with the drug of choice, which can be anything, including alcohol or marijuana.

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, Sara, for your advice.

I too have thought that doing the GED and moving on to other things might help, but I don't see that getting him away from his friends because they are all near us. So, the only way to do that is move away, which I am not against doing, but I signed a year-long lease here, so I can't really do that, or at least not easily. But, I am not ruling out anything.

Besides, it's true that until S can get his mind around the idea that he has a problem, he is likely to just meet up with more of the same type of people wherever we would go.

There is a new local "youth at risk" residential program (sorta like 6 months of military school) that is very intriging, but the next class doesn't start until July........I'm not ruling this one out either.

Take care.

[[hugs]]