First of all according what state you are in the laws are different. That means, what you can do is different. In some states you don't have to sign papers and it takes time before the court acknowledges the D. Second thing to remember, just because she goes does not mean you will get papers. If you do get papers - know the law. If you can request mediation, that will give you time to talk and resolve some things without a D. In the book you may want to go right to chapter six - there;s a lot there but it also tells you how to manage last resort techniques. Breathe, don't panic, I have read some of your comments elsewhere, don't know your stitch yet but remember your comments as a man - keep the information coming. Women are similar in reacting on their emotions, they like to try things out to see what results because we can't always envision it. We also don't look thoroughly before acting and may see unwanted side affects that change our minds. Women have to figure out how they feel before thinking things through. If they arent' certain of their feelings they make take action to discover them. The thinking part doesn't kick in until the feelings are established. Once the feelings are sorted, thinking occurs and integration can happen = a different response. Kind of opposite from men. You sort out information, then apply emotions and come up with a result. So read on.... stop every once in a while to integrate your emotions with the information to come up with a balanced reaction or behavior toward resolving current dilemma. Drama starts when men say what they think without including their emotions, the result is a statement without a committment to follow. Women, emote before considering their thoughts and make statements they don't stick to. Get it? Whenever, either sex makes a decision without doing all the work, they can't stick to it - so if there is any wavering, that is the reason. My H has said he wanted a D, or was leaving or ending it almost weekly since we have been married. We are now separated because of behavior I cannot tolerate, but his inconsistent behavior continues. I learned awhile ago that he probably doesn't mean it- like you said earlier - just frustrated and doesn't know what else to say or do. DBing is about figuring out what behaviors work and which ones need to change. In our first year of M I went to a lawyer three times because he said so, I learned a lot about the process and law. But when I realized it was his frustration and not his intention, I stopped reacting to it and starting putting it on him to do if he really wants it. Even separated he says it, I just ask him to get me the papers and he gives it up. I don't know your stitch. Hopefully you will learn something from reading books, also read other people's stitch esp, the successful ones. Keep us informed.
