Believe me we know all about the hurt. I want you to listen to me. You say she has had 6 months to plan. I wouldn't say that she has been planning. I think she has been imagining it and dreaming about it and now that you are home she can do it. You DB by letting her have her space while you are taking care of yourself and the kids. Clean the house, take the kids to a movie, go play catch or do something the kids like to do. Those kids really need you and you can occupy your time by doing things with them. Trust me when I tell you I will tell my D13 that I need some me time and I go to my room and cry my eyes out. I usually do that at least once a day now but when I got the bomb I didn't stop crying for 2-3 wks. I actually didn't go to work for 2 wks and I thought I would have lost my job. I was only moving, and breathing for my D. In the first month I lost over 15 lbs because I didn't eat. You know the ever popular stress diet I still don't eat the way I should and I usually only sleep about 4 hrs a night.
Don't be so hard on yourself and put your kids first. Not your W. She can and will take care of herself. Actually you need to be first then the kids but I know it doesn't feel that easy. I know GAL is not in your thoughts right now and honestly I am still not there myself.
Again, stay busy doing things with the kids and wait for W to contact you. When she asked you how you are you say "I'm doing good how about you" When she asks you what you did today, you let her know that you and the kids did something (anything) worked on a puzzle, watched a movie, had a food fight (ok you get my point) This will all go a long way....
Talk to you soon and we are all here for you. Get it all out on here so that you can do the things you need to do.
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
I still don't eat the way I should and I usually only sleep about 4 hrs a night. 
