When my H would say something remotely negative about his situation (he'd never admit missing me!!!), rather then admit missing him or being sad about him being gone, I'd just say things like, "Well things will get better...Life is great!" And then I'd just be super positive. The irony is that the happier and more positive I became, the sadder he became.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Just wanted to let you know I'm following this thread and finding it very helpful. Thanks for sharing your experience. I also don't want xBF to think that I'll just sit around waiting for him to come to his senses. But I also told him I would never do to him what he's doing to me (cheating) so I want to hold onto the moral high ground. Think I will go the mysterious route and let him draw his own conclusions if his mind goes there.
I totally understand why you made up "OM" in the first place, and also understand why you felt you had to come clean. I applaud your efforts to save your M. Keep up the good work.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
... The irony is that the happier and more positive I became, the sadder he became.
This is why PMA works. Nobody likes to leave a happy person and happy people are attractive people. They start second guessing themselves when it looks like you'll be fine w/o them. It turn the tables on them.
Me:38 W:40 Bomb/EA 03/08 Recon twice 1/09 W files for D Story
Hi Pearlharbor, glad to hear that my experience is helping you. Yes, it just boils me that H is thinking that he can try things out with OW and then if it doesn't work out then back to his W. Pisses me off. I just wish sometimes that I didn't love him so I wouldn't want to take him back but the truth is that I do love him and I would take him back with conditions this time though. So I was actually loving the idea of "OM" until I started to realize how it made me look and I didn't like that outfit at all. I just hated the fact that H was telling people that I have someone just to justify his poor behavior. And then I felt like our whole relationship had no morals since "both of us" was cheating. So it feels so much better to be truthful to who I am. And by the way thanks for understanding why I made up "OM". And believe me, I was gooooood at it. I had OM's details down pack. I'm sure H probably still believes me that there was another man but whatever. I think "OM" was helping him to relieve his guilt so he probably liked the idea of me seeing someone else. Acutally, he even said jokingly that he was happy that I had a friend. But now I think he was serious... it helped his case.
Running and Rob, so true and I'm going to try to keep my spirits up. Funny thing is that even before "OM" H thought I was seeing someone else whenever I acted happy. And he gets down and out. You should see him, he has a sensitive stomach so whenever he's around me and the guilt settles in or he gets uncomfortable, his stomach starts to act up and he stands there rubbing his belly. Too funny.
I think "OM" was helping him to relieve his guilt so he probably liked the idea of me seeing someone else.
It's funny... there's a weird element of that and yet the reality of it would really put them in a strange emotional place. I remember my H originally encouraging me to date other people, but on the other hand... when he thought I might be seeing someone I could tell the idea really bothered him. I even remember once asking him if he might know of any nice guys at work he could set me up with. I explained that this way he could "hand pick" a great stepdad for his kids. That one REALLY irked him!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Just found this thread and its really interesting. I also hate the fact that exh can play around with OW all he wants and think because I have a small baby that I am home 24/7 and no options to date. Honestly that is the truth, but he doesn't need to know that. Lately he has been asking me about my 'boyfriend'. I don't confirm or deny. None of his business but it does give me a chuckle because he is so irritated about it.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
So it's official, aliens have taken over my H and have turned him into a ugly green mean monster.
OMG, sometimes I think I don't even know how I love this man so much or why I even still love him. So with H's involvement with OW and his son coming from the A, H's immediate family who are very close with me and my family have not come to accept the child. Granted in hindsight I think we all are wrong for not accepting the child fully since its not his fault but I think H made it really difficult for us to embrace the child by continuing his A, especially so openly. In any event, H has been holding a lot of malice against his mother b/c of her support of me. And in Oct when H was living at MIL, he tried to have OW and her children to stay at MIL since they had no place to live. Of course, MIL being the respectable woman that she is, said hell no and that I am a daughter to her. H was pissed off and said (what I thought was only anger speaking) that if anything happens to his mother don't call him. He has since not really communicated with his mother. This weekend MIL fell ill from an infected gallbladder and had immediate surgery. H's other siblings did not call him but I thought that it was the right thing to do so I did. OMG, he was so mean-spirited and uncaring on the phone. All he said was hope she feels better. I even told him all his siblings who were at the hospital and he said that's nice. I quickly hanged up. Then I was there seeing MIL so sick, I got so pissed off and called H back to confront him about his poor behavior. He then answered the phone meanly and I didn't even get to say anything, but he said I'll call you back. My God, he didn't even know if something worse happen to his mother. This was a man who use to cry when his mother was sick and now he just doesn't care at all. It proves that he definitely can't give a damn about me if he can't care for his own mother.
Is this just crazy? Does a man really give up his wife and entire family over some a**. I really hope OW will be there when he needs someone. MIL would be so hurt by all this if she knew how H behave. I will not tell her byt H's siblings are all looking at how he didn't show up at the hospital. I know he will really live with regrets if he doesn't get it together. But how awful is his behavior. I want nothing to do with him right now!!
I had OM's details down pack. I'm sure H probably still believes me that there was another man but whatever. I think "OM" was helping him to relieve his guilt so he probably liked the idea of me seeing someone else. Acutally, he even said jokingly that he was happy that I had a friend. But now I think he was serious... it helped his case.