WAW - yet another one

[confusedinpa]

The morning seemed to start out tense. She didn't bring up the separation topic

She did bring up how in the past she felt I was more interested in watching TV than her. I acknowledged that must have really hurt her. I'm sure I crossed the line when I said that I don't think I was evem watching it. I thought I was more lost in thought - perhaps subconsciously trying to figure out what was wrong.

At lunch I got hit with another one where she was talking about how her stomach has been giving her problems. She said she used to have stomach problems coming home from work - in anticipation of how bad I was treating her (disinterested/disconnected). Now she doesn't have it until late at nite. She thinks its because she doesn't want to go to bed with me. I told her that hurts and makes me sad to hear that. Unfortunately our kids interrupted so we couldn't get any further on that.

What's painful is that I know she sees the changes. She even commented how I seemed to have lost weight over the last 2 weeks (I wasn't trying but I went in 2 belt notches). She sees that I think she's important. She feels that I support and listen to her (except for the divorce)

Unfortunately it may be too late. She keeps falling back to how she can't see trying to love someone who hurt her so badly. I used to argue that I didn't know but she doesn't buy that. She felt I was just being mean. Our counselor/therapist thinks my fear/anxiety stopped me from seeing it (my wife was there when she said it). My wife still feels that's not an excuse. She felt that I was made aware and reacted very negatively

At times I feel like all is lost as its falling on a closed heart and mind. I want to curl up in a ball and cry

I know that is weak

I need to remain strong and keep trying for my 2 sons. It is hard

At times I feel like I am groing angry and resentful to her.

At lunch, after her stomach statement, I told her that all I can do is try my best. If its not good enough, that's her decision

I'm worried that my love for her will get replaced by hurt and resentment. Perhaps that will make it easier to give up

But I know I can't. My oldest just sat down next to me becuase he wanted to be near me

I can't give up

Any suggestions on what to talk about at the counseling session tomorrow nite (assuming she goes)?