Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

Got up at 4am to find S had snuck out of the house again. Tried to call him but he didn't answer. Called a couple of his friends. Called H. S finally showed up around 5:30am. H came over and told S basically that he was done. H told S that if he ever wanted any support from H, he needed to break all contact from friends, including girlfriend. H said he refuses to pay for any treatment until he sees change and commitment on S's part, and S comes to him.

H wanted to take away S's cell phone, but I want to keep it for safet. H came over to change the knob on my bedroom door to one that locks, so I can lock up car keys, etc. in there. He was only here for about 5 minutes. He complained about the heat in my room (that was always a conflict with us....I get cold, he gets hot). S was still in bed (after being up all night). H said I should have S up working on his school work. While H was here, my chihuahua pooped on the floor (she's been doing this off and on since the move....I think it's to get attention when she feels neglected). Pets are another thing that H doesn't want anymore.

So, while he was here, he just saw a bunch of re-inforcing things to his decision to walk away. So, now he say he's "done" with both our kids, unless they change their tune and come to him, which neither of them will do. He says he is keeping the dream house, even though he promised we would sell it if we D. So, the dreams we had and all we have been working for the past 4-5 years, he is taking with him and is probably going to have with someone else, and our family is a mistake in his past. He is choosing to be "happy" with the "weight off his shoulders".....

H says he is still going to IC this Tuesday and will be with me in my session on Wednesday. I told him I would like to talk about S17 there. He said he didn't see why. So, now I don't know what he plans to tell me in session, but I'm betting it's not good.

S17 and I are both very subdued. S did come and hug me and tell me he's sorry. I believe he is, but I don't believe he will stop. He is addicted, if not to drugs themselves, then to the behavior. He says he only does MJ, and did not do that at all last night....only went to hang out with friends. I have asked him to do me the respect of at least telling me when and where he is going, and keep his phone on so I can reach him.

I know I need to take care of me, but I can't just give up on those I love. I don't have it in me.

Will anybody ever love and want to take care of me???

I'm exhausted.....