I am going to be honest but on another point of view. This is not really my sitch but I can relate from my brother and sister-in-law. My brother has been to Afghanistan, Iraq and Bosnia. Each time for more than a year. Their daughter is currently 10 yrs old. My daughter is 13 yrs old.
Ok, now I set the scene. I want you to just sit and imagine this.
You have always had help by your spouse with the day in and day out daily crap (bills, groceries, cooking, cleaning, being a parent to 2 children, laundry, pets if you have any, house issues like lawn, fixing, upkeep ect.). It isn't so bad when you have a spouse helping with things. Now your spouse has been taken away to fight in a war. All of the above things will NOT get done unless YOU do them yourself. You have 2 kids that don't help so much, going thru puberty, worried to death about their parent and dealing with the emotional and demanding life in school. Your spouse is dealing with all of this as well as their own concerns about the welfare of their loved one but needs to be strong for the kids.
THIS CAN BE INCREDABLY OVERWHELMING AND PUT ANYONE INTO A MAJOR DEPRESSION. When the spouse does come back there are going to be re-entry problems. That's why there is C when you come back. You are going through you own things with getting back into a daily NORMAL life and your spouse is
A) Upset because now everything that they have been doing on their own, you are there and you tend to get in the way of the routine, which prob just recently got into. This is no ones fault it's just the way it is.
B) Now you want to be ALONE. You have been everything to everyone. You have carried a load that seems larger than heaven and earth. You weren't getting as much help as you needed; you where sick and tired of always being the one to do things, get things. For God's sake, you want to be responsible to nothing and no one, even just for a little while.
Either way you feel horrible for having these feelings but it just is eating at you and you feel that just a break is what you need. Your spouse is back so they can do it all for awhile and you don't have to worry about it. You still love your spouse very much and you care about them but yes you are being selfish and you deserve it. It has nothing to do with an A.
I think MC is the best thing both of you can do for yourselves and each other. There is a lot of adjustment issues that both of you will have (or are going through now). This of course is just my opinion and I am only taking it from what my SIN went through. There was certainly a point when they were going to split but they made it. I don't know what you went through in Iraq but my brother has also been dealing with PTSS. He has been back for over a year and still has night sweats and nightmares. Anything that makes a loud noise freaks him out. This is hard for everyone to handle.
Both you and your wife MUST REALIZE that all of these issues impact your kids incredibly. They have their own adjustment issues as well as having to see both of their parents who they love go through this. They are going to have questions and of course their own opinion and this is a good thing. They NEED to be able to voice these and SHOULD NOT be told to stay out of it. This is a family problem and neither of you should ever discredit their feelings. Both of will go a long way by getting along, involving the kids and valuing everyone involved.
I really think, understand her and let her know that you can't begin to understand what SHE has had to go through. If she needs time away, let her know that you will take care of things and that you are still there for her. I could be completely wrong but the point of this board is to get different opinions and take what you can from each one.
I hope this helps you even just a little. If you don't mind I would like to come back and see how you are doing. Take care and pray every day that god is with you and your family to help you all get through this difficult time.
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
