Treese, I'm sorry you are frustrated and having to deal w/things. However, let's look a this another way...suppose your h was in the hospital on a ventilator and may be on it for the rest of his life? Wouldn't you still have to do all of the things you are doing? What if he had died in an auto accident? The same situation once again.
Yes, you've got a lot on your plate, but your children are not toddlers. One of the lessons we all have had to learn is to rely on others, be it a mother, father or family friend to assist us. We all have learned that we cannot expect our spouses to do anything for us. We all learned that we had to move on and if the spouse does decide to wake up, the decision would be made then as to whether or not we wanted them back. We all learned how to cut corners or some of the things that we didn't actually need in our lives to help w/bills.
As for your h having a happy and wonderful life, I don't buy it. It's most likely different and he can be someone else w/her, w/no expectations. He knows you know the real him, but she doesn't know everything about him the way you do. I don't see him having such a great life...three households, working extra time to pay some of his bills, three children, knowing he's screwed up in every way and doesn't know how to get off the coaster. He's dug a hole so deep, he just might not get a chance to crawl out of it. Nope, I don't see this as a wonderful life...it's more a monkey on his back.
Your question: Now isn't it true that the longer they stay away and the longer they are with OW, they will never come home and likely to marry OW?
My answer: Not necessarily so. I know of several cases whereby the man stayed w/the ow for a long time and then one day woke up and realized he wanted to be home w/his family.
Treese, none of us know which person who walked away will return. That's why it's important to find a way to live and go on w/our lives w/o them in it.
What they say to us does hurt and it does float to the surface periodically, but you know what? Living life to the fullest and the best revenge you can offer up right now. When you detach completely, you will learn and come to understand that what they say is automatic spew because of their emotions. Trust me, he will live to regret the things he has said and done. They will come talk to us when the crisis over and explain some of whys to us, but most of them will not apologize. This is another expectation that hurts people when their spouses wake. They shouldn't look for apologies....many of them don't do this.
So, Treese, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and come to realise that your h is gone and he will be gone for a very long time. He will not be there for you and the children. Learn not to expect anything from him. If you can do this, you won't get so frustrated and hurt. Learn to lean on others for they really do want to assist you.
Some day, he will regret what he's done and doing.
