Never say Never; it's worth the fight!

[Treese]

Good Morning Everyone....

Haven't been here in a little while...trying to figure my life out...STILL....I'm trying to focus on me and my kids but my mind drifts all the time...

Last night was winter formal for D16 and H didn't know anything about it...it hurts so bad...i'm trying to do everything myself but it is getting overwhelming...thank God for my mom these past couple of days...she watched S11 for me on Friday just so I could go to dinner with some friends for the evening...the whole time I was out all I could think about was my mom having to watch my son...I know she didn't mind but he is my responsibility and i don't like to have to have other people watch my kids...H says D16 can do it...WTF? She needs to be a kid not a mother or a father right now...every once in a while is okay but H just doesn't want to do it...

Ok folks....the only time my H will take his son is when I ask him to...so really it's not what he wants but wants everyone to think he did the right thing by leaving and that he takes his son and is responsible....I'm tired of looking at his face every Sunday at S11's basketball games with that smile on his face...aaaggghhhhh!!! like he doesnt have a care in the world...of course he doesnt, I am taking care of everything...it sucks, sucks, sucks,....I'm lonely, I'm scared, money is tight, and all H can say is for me to cut out MY stuff...like getting my hair done, the cable, the phone....WTF? he wants me to give up my life that I've been doing for 30 years to pay for his kid...I'm going crazy...who is this man...and why does he get to live "happy", as he puts it...with OW....

Now isn't it true that the longer they stay away and the longer they are with OW, they will never come home and likely to marry OW?

I know I don't have control over him, only me...but I'm wearing down...I need help...I'm running is 6 directions and THERE IS NO TIME FOR ME! I didn't sign up for this....I was married for a reason...I havent said anything to H, just been upbeat and holding my tongue...the truth is I would love to have him in a room for 20 minutes to just scream and yell, and pound him....whew....I feel better now....it wouldn't solve anything but I need to vent this frustration....maybe I'm jealous that he has a wonderful life now and I don't...that I'm sad alot of the time, that I wonder if I'll ever find love again...don't know if I even really want it again if this is how it turns out...

My family says some day he'll regret all this....I don't think so..if you all could see his face and how absolute he is you would know he is really happy and knows it's the right decision..the thing that keeps playing in my mind is when he looks at me and says, "you need to get past it".. and someday I will see him with OW...and his mom saying, "looks like its over cause all he does is talk about OW"...I thought I meant something to her...it totally shatters my heart...I just need to get to the point that I have to accept our life together is done, he's happy, he has what he's always wanted and she seems to be his soulmate, and i was nothing...those hurtful words that come out of his mouth, the ones we have to try to forget...wow,,,I want to know how you all do it cause they stick with me...

Well, had to vent....sorry...