AAARRGGGHhh..I hate the nights. I do okay most of the time, I guess. Even nights, but after this week, I guess I'm just not doing so great.
I just get so dang mad at him. He says he wants the D but he doesn't want to rush into a D. Which is good, I guess, I know. But that he wants to go slow. And if we rebuild on our terms, then okay, but not on everyone else's, like his family wants. I can understand that. But part of me can't help but feel like he is wanting to go slow so that he can help out his stupid OW until she leaves in July. And what happens in July if she leaves and then he's like, oh, yeah, let's go ahead and work things out, move back in, baby, I love you....I know I'm not going to be able to go for that.
God! How the hell could I go back to living in that house now?? I NEVER had OM there. He showed up there one day out of the blue and I about went crazy pushing him out the door as fast as I could. I did NOT want him there. The house was always just me and H. And I never took OM home to my parents, much less sleep in the same bed at my parents. HTF am I supposed to do those things if we R??? I never want to sleep in that effing bed again at his parents. I never want to live in that stupid house again after she has been there. And if she is there for the next 5 months??? How??? What is wrong with me????
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
