Being content for now.

[kissak]

I had a talk with my H today. I needed to know what he was thinking. I needed to know where we stood with each other. I told him I was becoming impatient. Probably a no-no thing to do but I did it. Im glad I did. He said he didnt know. He told me he missed me and thought about me every day. He had been thinking about it alot. He wanted to know how come I never asked him before now. I told him that alot of times I dont ask questions that Im afraid to hear the answers to, but I needed to know. I told him that I knew of guys that wanted to go out with me and i was telling them no because Im not dating right now but mainly because I wanted my marriage to work and I felt there was still a chance.

We talked about a few other things. He wasnt happy to hear that I had not only went on one date with a certain guy but 2 dates. He didnt like that. (haha)

BUt finally...finally my husband came over to me and gave me a hug and said that he does love me. I cried and said that Im glad he said that because it had been a long time since he has said it. My H started crying too. Honestly, I have never seen this side of him. I felt a relief of some kind today. I know my H isnt inlove with me, but just for him to finally say it....it meant more than anything and to him Im sure it was a break through because he has never been able to say it.

He is scared though. Scared to come home and have things end up worse than now and that I may even tell him I dont want him here anymore. He still isnt ready yet. I know that and so does he. But it was a good talk.

I feel better.