The Unfaithful Wife - That's Still Me #3

[Hope4us]

Polly, Yes, sometimes they do wake up. Mostly when they feel they're losing you. That's where GAL is so important. But most of the time it's a slow process where little by little they realize what's going on.

OW will lose their appeal when real life hits their R. If your H is early in the A, everything is perfect because they aren't seeing all the warts that everyone has. As bad as this sounds, the more time they spend together, the better for you because it'll give them a chance to see each other for who they really are. I had an MC tell me that in my sitch, it was the worst thing that could happen when OM moved 250 miles away, because then the A just took on an even more mythical quality. W had to plan the get aways and the distance made her want OM even more.

Could revenge A's become the love of their life? Sure. I personally know two couples that began as A's that divorced their spouses, married and are still together years later. But that's the exception, not the rule.

Time frames are a toughy. Chemicals flooding the brain of someone in an A can last as long as 2 years. They don't call it a Honeymoon period for nothing. Do they all last 2 years? No. But it could last that long or even longer. Just depends. DB recommends waiting it out. Some other sites recommend doing things to put some reality into the A. Many times that can cause the A to implode. My W's A didn't end until I told my kids what was going on. My S16 already knew what was going on, but when I confirmed for him what he knew was true, he shreaded his mother and that brought her back to reality in a big hurry. Now I'm not saying to do that. Everyone has to decide for themselves whether to expose or not. That pain I caused my W by telling the kids is something I'm still dealing with 9 months later. I think we're getting better, but she's having to learn to trust me even though she had the A, because I broke her trust by telling the kids. It was the right thing for me because we'd be divorced right now if I hadn't and by telling them we have a chance, but it's been a long road that I'm not sure I'd travel this road again if I knew it'd take this long.

In the absense of snooping so you know if he's done with OW or not, there is a saying "bad mood = good, good mood = bad". Your H being in a bad mood is good because that means there's trouble in paradise. Him in a good mood is bad because he's getting his high from OW.

You are absolutely correct. People in A's turn into something you don't recognize. I could tell you stories of things my W did that were so unlike her I didn't know if she was someone totally different wrapped up in my W's body. Odds are, your H is going to have to hit rock bottom before he begins to come around. That's what my telling my kids did to W. Made her hit rock bottom.